Resurrection
by Wat3rSpr1t3
Summary: Basically: A story about lost love, and what we are willing to do for the ones that matter most if given an opportunity we never thought possible. Slow build. I know I haven't updated in a while, and I'm so sorry. There was a family emergency, & it took a while for things to settle down. I should have everything up to 14 put up by the end of the week. xoxo
1. Ghost

A/N: Hi! Welcome to my first Star Wars fanfic! This is a Kylo Ren x OFC piece, so if you're not up for that, I'm sorry!

Also, while I am a Star Wars fan & have been since the original trilogy came out, I am by no means I die hard fan; so please be understanding if I don't follow the cannon or get it 100% right. I'm doing the best I can ;).

Other than that, I hope you like it!

* * *

"Come on, Jae. It'll be an easy pick up. In and out, I promise." Lira huffed, following her best friend to the hangar.

Jae skewed a glance at her over his shoulder, gold eyes narrowing. "Honey, the ONLY person in the galaxy who thinks this is an easy pick up, is you." He grumbled, stopping in front of _Reaper_ , their modified YT-1930.

"Ple-ease? You know I can't do it without you. And it's good money that will keep us in the black for months if we can swing it." She tried to do that high pitched voice thing little girls did with their parents to get what they wanted, but failed. She was horrible at that whiny crap.

Jae kept his head down and scanned the inventory list for their new job, should they take it. "You're talking about kidnapping a First Order weapons supplier, from a pleasure den on Naboo. On top of that, we both know that place is crawling with First Order spies. It's too dangerous, Lira. We don't need that kind of heat on us."

Lira smirked and bumped his shoulder with hers. "Well yeah, but I thought you liked danger. Isn't that what you always told me?" She dropped her voice to mimic his rich tones "' _Live fast. Live hard. Enjoy every moment. Blah blah blah_.' Or have you finally gone soft? Don't tell me I need to find a new partner for this bounty hunter thing. You know how much I hate meeting new people. Besides, haven't you ever heard of doing things for the greater good. Sticking it to the First Order, in some capacity, would be for the greater good."

Jae shook his head. "Ah, shut up." He grinned, softening the lines of his angular face. "We both know you can't fly your way out of a paper bag. If I don't go, you'll definitely get caught, and frankly, I don't need the Resistance getting on my ass about anything happening to you. Besides, maybe I like having you around a little."

Lira laughed, wrapping her arms around her friend. "You're full of it. We both know you love having me around and are doing it for the money. You won't regret it, promise! We may even be able to swing by a gambling hall on Hosnian Prime when we're done."

At his quirked brow, she shrugged. "What? I like risk taking. Obviously. So, when can we leave?" she asked, excitement in her voice.

Jae groaned. "You're going to be the death of me, one of these days. You know that?" He ran a hand over his spiky brown hair. "We can leave in an hour. I just want to run a quick maintenance check to make sure the hyperdrive is working properly. The last thing we want is for that to crap out on us. And seriously, Lira, this is the last job we do for a while. It's getting too hot out there."

Lira grinned. "Deal."

* * *

"Are we sure this source is accurate and there will be an attempt to kidnap Toth Daa'r? Isn't there a chance they're wrong?" General Hux asked, for the second time in an hour. Annoyance and condescension dripping from his every word. "Couldn't we just take him and leave?"

Kylo Ren stifled the urge to kill him. "Yes. No. And no. Supreme Leader Snoke made it clear that he wishes to interrogate the culprits to see if they can lead to the Resistance." he snapped, answering each of Hux's questions.

Both men would have preferred just about anything to being cooped up in one of the opulent bedrooms of Zora's Pleasure House listening to the other guests enjoy themselves, while they waited for an attack with several of the Knights of Ren. Their distaste for one another was legendary within the First Order, which made Snoke's orders all the more challenging.

"It's been three hours, Lord Ren. If these would-be kidnappers don't show up soon, I will return to the ship and let you and your Knights deal with it." Hux sneered. He'd have given just about anything to be back on Starkiller Base.

Kylo Ren clenched his fists at his side, struggling to keep his temper in check. _I'd like to deal with you._

One of these days Ren knew they would come to blows, and only one of them would walk away. He was more than willing to make sure it was the redhead.

His retort died on his tongue when the far wall dissolved into a screen, and Lady Zora, the proprietor of the house, appeared. "They're coming! Get ready." She hissed quietly, her ancient face so pale Ren could see where she'd applied her gaudy makeup, and how heavily.

Setting aside his agitation with General Hux, he motioned for his men to get ready and faced the door that joined their room to Toth Daa'rs. Silently, he removed his lightsaber from its place on his side. Toth Daa'r had been holed up in that room for five days, gorging himself on pleasure. If the Resistance was going to attempt a kidnapping, they would need to enter that room, and when they did, Kylo Ren would be ready for them.

Closing his eyes, Ren reached out with the Force and searched for any impending footsteps or ships, but there was nothing unusual.

Without warning, glass shattered next door, followed quickly by the sound of a man screaming. Furious he hadn't detected anything out of place, Ren used the Force to rip the door off the wall, allowing his Knights to pour into the space.

It took only a moment for Ren to realize their mistake. Glass littered the floor. Bedding had been hauled off the bed and over the window's ledge. The kidnappers had been clever. Instead of risking an escape with an unwilling hostage out the main door, they'd merely shattered the window and jumped from the third story bedroom.

Furious, Ren followed suit, unwilling to let them get away and make him look like a fool. His boots landed heavily on the grass, but he'd mastered jumps and landings at a young age, and was up and running after them within moments. Two figures were sprinting ahead of him. One was obviously the half-naked Toth Daa'r, who seemed to be stumbling. The other was a man in dark clothing and a ratty helmet.

Ren tried to use the Force to stop them from gaining any more ground, but for some reason, was unable to reach them. _You can't escape,_ he thought grimly, following them down a grassy slope that would lead to the lakefront. _There's nowhere for you to go._ It wouldn't take long for his Knights to spread out and surrounded them. And even if they were to make a run for it, there was no place to hide. Zora's was the only building for miles. No one would be able to help them out here.

He smirked wickedly, and ran faster. Even if their capture was imminent, he would make sure they paid for the escape attempt.

* * *

Lira felt the adrenaline surging through her system as she pumped her legs and hauled Toth Daar's fat, stumbling, ass behind her towards where the _Reaper_ was supposed to be waiting. She and Jae had agreed on keeping it cloaked so they'd have a better chance of escape, but she still needed him to open the ramp so they could board the ship, and not run into the hull. Not that she had done that before. Nope.

"Come on, Jae, now would be nice." She hissed.

Glancing back at the Stormtroopers running after them, Lira felt her heart skip a beat. There were more than a few Stormtroopers chasing after them. She counted at least eight, plus one First Order twit in a uniform, and the infamous Kylo Ren.

 _So._ **_Not_** _. Good._

They hadn't even made it halfway to the lakefront, let alone the old docking pier where Jae was supposed to be waiting; and Toth Daa'r was fighting her every step of the way. His wailing only drowned out by the clatter of her stupid helmet rattling painfully on her head.

 _Next time, I need a better last minute disguise._

Ahead of her, Jae had finally gotten the ramp down so she could see where she was going. Only, instead of being in the cockpit, readying the engine, he was crouched on the ramp, waiving frantically at her. Dread pooled in her belly, and she knew that if Jae was waiving at her to hurry up with one hand and holding a blaster in another, they were in deep shit.

She stole another glance behind her and swore. Kylo Ren was gaining on them.

 _Must move faster! Must move faster!_

Her legs burned in protest. It was bad enough that she was trying to lead a reluctant hostage towards her ship at full speed, but she'd landed incorrectly when she'd jumped out the window, and now her right leg was practically screaming at her. On top of that, she could hardly see where she was going.

 _Stupid helmet, stupid Toth Daa'r, stupid legs, stupid Kylo Ren!_

Without warning, Toth veered to the right, yanking her already unstable leg off balance, and sending them tumbling to the ground, costing them precious seconds.

Furious, she used the Force to stop him from scrambling away, and yanked him down to the ground, hard; cursing herself the moment she did so.

"Get up!" Jae yelled, running towards her, his gun firing at the troopers, trying to buy her time. Their whole plan had gone to shit, and if she hadn't promised to deliver the smuggler alive to the Resistance, she would have delivered him in pieces.

She snarled, and yanked Toth up, her voice dangerous when she spoke. "You listen to me, you miserable waste of life. Do you think they're going to help you? They're going to kill you - just to protect their interests; so stop acting like a two headed baboon, and get on that ship, or so help me I will remove your favorite appendage and make sure you never enjoy a pleasure den again!"

Toth Daa'r gaped at her, his blue jowls opening and closing rapidly before he nodded and they started running again.

Jae reached them, panting as his arm reached out to her. "We have…to move!"

She pivoted and took in the encroaching group, trying to calculate their odds and possible outcomes. None of which were good. Her heart stuttering when she realized Kylo Ren was close enough for her to make out the detail of his mask; which in her mind, was entirely too close for comfort.

Turning, she placed her hands on Jae's chest and began shoving him in the direction of the _Reaper_. "Get him on the ship, Jae. I'll cover you."

"What?! No way." He snapped, gold eyes glittering furiously. "We go together or not at all."

Lira spared him a quick glance from behind her helmet and smiled weakly. "I'll be right behind you, but if I don't cover you, we all die. You know that."

"Lira…"

"Jae, please. There's no time!" She yelled, Pushing him away from her with the Force.

She caught the distraught expression on his face before he grabbed Toth Daa'r by the collar of his robe and sprinted for the ship.

 _There is no emotion, there is peace_. She reminded herself.

Turning, she focused on the approaching figure. _Guess there's no point in anonymity. Gotta fight to live, but I've gotta see to fight,_ Lira thought bitterly. In one smooth motion, she yanked her helmet off with one hand and reached for her lightsaber with the other.

* * *

If Ren had been expecting anything, it sure as hell hadn't been this.

It felt as though everything had gone still. The air vanished from his lungs, and his heart stammered to a halt in his chest before beginning a violent hammering against his ribs. Not for the first time, he was grateful for the cover of his mask. It prevented the others from seeing the way his mouth hung open as he stared at the figure before him. Or the way he struggled to keep from doubling over and retching right there from the violent physical sensations coursing through his body.

At first, he'd been mildly surprised when the kidnapper had used the Force to stop Toth Daa'rs escape, though it wasn't completely unexpected. He and Supreme Leader Snoke were still running down traces on Force-sensitive individuals who could be trained for the Dark Side. But when they'd removed their helmet and withdrawn their green lightsaber, Ren had stopped dead in his tracks.

Three things became apparent to him at once: First, the kidnapper was no man. Second, Toth Daa'r and the kidnapper's accomplice had made it safely to their ship. And third...he, Kylo Ren, was staring at a ghost.

A face as familiar to him as his own, glared back at him. Tendrils of dark auburn hair escaped a loose bun at the nape of an ivory neck; catching in the wind and dancing around her face. There was nothing he wanted more in that moment, than to reach out and catch one between his fingers.  
Impossibly green eyes watched him warily from their sanctuary beneath dark lashes, while a perfect set of lips pressed together in a grim line, ready and determined.

His mind railed against what he was seeing.

 _It's not possible._

Quickly, he searched the Force for any trace of her but found nothing. Meaning that whoever was standing in front of him was indeed a ghost, or had become one powerful Jedi Master since the last time he'd laid eyes on them.


	2. Choice

A/N: We're back for Chapter 2 :) Just a quick note: I will be combining the cannon with some parts of the EU just to make my version of the story flow better. Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

Ren felt the world fall away.

 _It's a dream_. His mind faltered, his chest constricting painfully. It had to be.

For a beautiful, fleeting moment, it was just the two of them; standing several meters across from each other on a grassy lawn near the lake...An impossible, perfect dream.

If her goal had been to give her companion time to escape with Toth Daa'r, it had worked. But Ren didn't care. The only thing that interested him at this moment was the person in front of him.

 _How? After all this time…_

He shook the shock from his system. Vehemently reminding himself that he'd watched her die. That'd he'd felt the sudden pain of her presence vanishing from the Force. Mourned her.

He blinked to clear the vision of her from his eyes, but when he opened them again she was still there. Again, he searched the Force for her. Again, there was nothing.

Either ghosts were real and he was finally suffering the consequences of his actions; or somehow, she'd managed to hide from him. Neither one seemed possible.

From behind the protection of his mask he let his eyes rove over her, searing every detail to memory. Time had taken the girl he remembered and turned her into a woman. The soft layer of fat that came with youth had given way to strength and muscle. She'd lengthened and narrowed, no longer a short, gawky teen. Curves he didn't remember seemed to demand his attention; and required effort when he tried to move on from them. But it was her face he studied most, fascinated. Familiar and new. Freckles he'd never seen before smudging the bridge of her nose. A familiar crease between the brows as she focused, calculated her next move. The green glow of her lightsaber casting shadows across her face as she slowly rotated it around, impatient, watching him for cues.

His Knights of Ren and a seething General Hux came to a stop behind him, awaiting his instruction, but he ignored them. Instead, he mimicked her; matching her step for step, as she slowly inched backwards in the direction of her ship. It was as if she knew the effect she'd had on him and didn't want to break the spell.

"A Jedi Knight?" General Hux sneered, demanding attention. "I thought you all died ages ago?"

Like the shattering of glass, the spell broke, and chaos erupted. Lira threw out a hand and sent everyone but Ren crashing backwards to the ground. Ren hadn't expected such strength from her, but his own skill had kept him standing, and he bolted after her when she turned and ran. They were still far from the edge of the water, meaning they both had a chance of success - his in capturing her; and hers in escape. The engine of her ship roared to life, suddenly visible on the abandoned dock. Her companion, a man Ren was interested in interrogating, yelled at her from behind the windshield to hurry up. His hands dancing over the console as he tried to prepare for takeoff.

 _No!_ Some inner demon snarled, filling him with fury and adrenaline. _I won't let you get away. I won't let you vanish again._ They were far enough from her ship that he could catch her. He **would** catch her.

Behind his mask, he smiled. His legs were longer. The distance between them closing. Wildly, he wondered if sheer force of will would allow him to catch her. After all, his surprise at seeing her alive had filled him with a toxic mix of emotions, and he refused to let her escape until his questions had been answered. He refused to let her escape at all.

"Shoot her!" General Hux yelled from behind him. His face red and blotchy, furious at having been tossed about by a girl.

"No!" Ren bellowed, distracted enough to turn and stop his men. He would take her alive, damn it. And he learn just how she'd managed to hide from him this whole time when he was certain he'd watched her die. He gestured to the pier. "Stop the ship!"

* * *

Lira's legs protested as she whipped around, turned off her lightsaber, and sprinted for the _Reaper_. Her earlier injury flaring to life. It wasn't that she was out of shape, per se, she just hated running. If there had been any other way out of here that did not involve running, she would have taken it. Ahead of her, Jae yelled for her to hurry, his hands furiously running over the console as he tried to get the autopilot going so he could help her. Toth Daa'r was out of sight, and she wondered for a moment if Jae had shoved him into a smuggling hole.

Her legs did their best to propel her, but she faltered at someone's screeching command to shoot her. A quick glance back told her it was the twit in the uniform. She'd return the favor to him one day. Right now she had bigger, darker problems. Ren's command to stop had surprised her, and she thought for a second that she would make it…until he instructed his men to attack the ship.

 _Son of a shit!_

Thoughts, calculations, and various different scenarios flashed inside her mind, none of them with a perfect ending. All she needed was a viable plan that wouldn't get her and Jae killed – or worse. The only plan that came to mind was one she knew would cost her. Running and using the Force at the same time was something she sucked at. It required focus on two different tasks that usually ended up with her botching something up.

 _Choose!_ Her mind yelled at her. _Fight or flight. Fight or Flight?_

She shook her head. _I can't give up without trying._

Tossing her doubts aside, she threw out a hand to deflect some of the blaster fire raining down on Jae and her ship. Slowing down as she did so.

The air around her crackled with energy and she knew that Kylo Ren was about to use the Force against her. Dread coiled itself into knots in her stomach. There was no way for her to honestly know who was stronger. Although she was certain that in a fair fight, she could beat him. _Except there is nothing fair about that man,_ her mind hissed back.

She felt the rush of the Force as he tried to Push her down. She turned, trying to deflect some of it away with her own use of the Force, but he was much stronger than she'd anticipated. She staggered but kept her balance, and continued running.

 _Too close. Much too close._

Her legs were beginning to ache and she begged them for just a little more. They ignored her. And worse, began to slow. "It's not that far," she grunted, willing them forward and ignoring the way fire licked at her right ankle.

 _I swear if I make it out of this, I'll take it easy for a month; nothing but hot baths and massages._

Her psychological bribery failed. She could feel her muscles tighten, reminding her that she'd free climbed a three story wall, broken a window, then jumped out of said three story window, landed poorly, and then hauled ass with Toth Daa'r fighting her the entire time as they ran from the First Order. _  
_  
Without warning, she felt another Push; and this time, she hit the ground. Hard.

She swore.

Kylo Ren was much closer than she'd realized. He'd always been taller, and therefore, faster; and maybe, _just maybe_ , he was stronger than her. _But I'll die before I tell him that._ In moments he shortened the distance between them to practically nothing.

She couldn't see his face behind that stupid mask he wore, but she could feel the emotions radiating off of him in waves. Anger, excitement, and something she couldn't identify. A shiver raced up her spine. Bounty hunter Lira James would die before she ever again admitted that she was afraid of a man, but the feeling Kylo Ren's approach stirred in her was close to it.

A part of her wanted to laugh at her stupidity for taking the job; and her horrible luck that he, of all people, had been waiting.

 _The greater good be damned. I'm about to get my best friend caught and probably killed_.

Her mind rallied, reaching out for the familiar trace of her Master as she scrambled to her feet, still intent on running or fighting – whichever was the best option. The _Reaper_ was closer than before, so there was still a chance she could make it; but Jae was taking on heavy fire from the Stormtroopers and she knew their shields were beginning to weaken. In a heartbeat, she made her choice.

 _Master Luke, Jae needs you. No time to explain. Meet on Takodana._

She turned away from Kylo Ren and focused on using the Force to close the boarding ramp. There was no way she would let Jae suffer for her mistakes. _This way, at the very least, one good thing can come of this mess._

It took a second for Jae to realize what she was doing. As soon as he did, he leapt from his seat and ran for the ramp, screaming her name. They both knew that as soon as the ramp closed, the autopilot would initiate take off, and he wouldn't have time to stop it.

 _I'm sorry Jae._

Behind her, the air rippled with Ren's energy. "Stop running, Lira." He whispered; his mechanical voice silky and smooth. "You can't escape." He was close. Hardly a foot away.

Lira turned; her saber alight when she faced him. "Maybe not, but I can damn sure fight."

If his features hadn't been hidden from her, she was sure he would have frowned. Keeping her eyes on him, she slowly circled him, trying to get a better view of Jae and see if he'd cleared the lake. If not, he would still be vulnerable to the blasters.

She glanced over the Dark Jedi's shoulder and felt a small measure of relief. The _Reaper_ was gone. _He must have turned on the cloaking device._ It didn't matter. At the very least, Jae was safe and he had the package the Resistance had requested, which hopefully would prove to be useful.

* * *

Ren waited, watching her. Knowing exactly what was coming, not because he used the Force to see it, but because knew her.

The moment her green eyes strayed from his mask, he made his move.

Harnessing his anger, and a darker, hotter emotion, he used as much of the Force as he could without killing her, to lift her from her feet and launch her backwards into a nearby tree. A crack ripped through the air when she collided with it. It snapped and fell with her to the ground. With a flick of his wrist, Ren made sure it didn't land on her.

He expected her to remain still, unconscious; but she surprised him again by stirring.

 _Stubborn as always._ He mused. _Anyone else would be unconscious, but not you, Lira. Not you_.

He stalked her, stretching his hand to her as she sought support from the trunk of the tree. Despite the strength of her mental walls, she was weak. It was easy enough for him to render her unconscious. When she slumped back against the ground, he released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"Lira." He whispered, keeping his back to his men as he picked her up. Gently, he sent her deeper into unconsciousness, hoping it would buy him some time before she woke and let loose her fury.

When he rejoined them, he was ready for the verbal tirade General Hux launched at him. "Why did you stop us from killing her?" he demanded "We don't need any more Jedi Knights running around the galaxy than there already are! And now the Resistance has Toth Daa'r! Preventing that was the whole reason we were here in the first place! You can be sure I will report this to the Supreme Leader, Lord Ren!"

Ren ignored him, for once not caring about the threats and insults General Hux had dancing around in his mind. His men silently followed him back to their own ship, and though they didn't voice any questions of their own, he could hear their thoughts wonder about their new prisoner.

Glancing down at the ghost in his arms, he tightened his grip; afraid that if he didn't hold on properly, she would vanish from him once more.

* * *

As soon as they were aboard his command shuttle, Ren gave the order for them to return to the _Finalizer_. He needed a proper place to interrogate her where her means of escape would be limited, if not impossible; and where he could spend time with her away from Snoke.

"General Hux, a word, if you please."

Hux glared at him. His blue eyes frigid, a sneer ready on his lips.

Ren could easily see the mental images that played out in Hux's mind of refusing his request, or throwing more insults at him in attempt assert his own authority. But they both knew it would be a mistake for him to do either of those things. For the time being, Ren was still Snoke's favorite.

Agitated, Hux nodded and followed Ren to the prison cells at the back of the ship.

"I understand you're upset with me." Ren stated blandly, laying Lira down on a cot and closing a small set of shackles around her wrists.

Hux faltered; unsure of whether he should admit his true feelings to Ren or placate him if it meant keeping himself in Snoke's good graces. The internal debate took longer than Ren expected, and what little seed of tolerance he felt for the man withered and died.

 _Pathetic.  
_  
Finally, Hux opted for the latter, thinking it would eventually lead to more power; and then the ability to truly let Ren know how much he hated him.

 _So predictable._

Ren sighed, closing the cell doors behind him as they returned to the corridor.

"Not quite, Lord Ren. I simply do not understand why we weren't allowed to kill her – if it meant preventing the kidnappers from escaping with Toth Daa'r. By now they must have alerted the Resistance to his capture."

Ren nodded, as if he believed a word Hux said. "I see." He turned to face the other man. "It's all right, General Hux. There is nothing to worry about." He let his voice slip smoothly from his lips, slow and soothing, as he performed one of the earliest techniques he'd learned. He'd become so adept at it, he no longer needed anything but the power of his will and a soothing voice to accomplish it.

Hux's blue eyes glazed over, his jaw slacking. "I don't understand." His body was stiff. Somewhere inside his mind he was trying to fight with Ren.

"It's true the kidnappers escaped with Toth Daa'r, but I will take the _Equalizer_ and my crew to find them, and stop them before he is able to give them any pertinent information. You can return to Starkiller Base. Don't worry. You'd rather be there anyway."

It required a little more effort than he'd anticipated, but eventually Ren felt Hux's mind cave under his will, and he was able to wipe all the memories of Lira and the Jedi Knight from his mind.

"Why don't you go to the bridge and alert Captain Phasma that you'll need a team, so they can be ready for your departure when we land?" Ren asked. His voice smooth, melodic. He placed the thought so firmly in Hux's mind, it was as if it had been his idea all along.

The arrogance and rigidity of Hux's posture returned immediately. "I'm going to alert the _Finalizer_ to have a crew ready to take me to Starkiller Base. There are things I need to finish there while you try to catch those Resistance kidnappers and minimize your failure."

Behind his mask, Ren smirked. He could sense no memories of Lira or a Jedi Knight in Hux's mind, let alone any doubts about his purpose. When he was certain the other man had gone, he changed the passcode for the cells to his private combination so that no one else could enter the rooms.


	3. Dead

A/N: Hi guys! It's been updated. Enjoy!

* * *

Ren paced the living space of his quarters restlessly, a turbulent mix of emotions and thoughts running wild inside him. It felt as though every nerve ending in his body was on fire. His loose black pants and bare chest did little to cool his overheated flesh. Each time he made a turn towards his bedroom door, his dark eyes would drift to the smaller door on its right. He dragged his hands through his hair, furious at himself for the momentary lapse in judgement that had put him in this situation.

 _"It's too dangerous to keep her in an ordinary interrogation room" he'd told his Knights. "There's a training room in my quarters. Convert it into a cell and make sure you add one of the interrogation chairs. That way, I'll be able to question her there and minimize her chances of escape…And in case it wasn't clear, not a word about this to anyone. Understood?"_

They'd saluted, and in their minds he could feel their loyalty. It had taken nearly four hours for them to finish the task, but it had been worth it. Lira was secure, Hux was gone, and now he had an unlimited amount of time to question her. Except…he'd done everything he could to avoid returning to his rooms – running training drills on the lower decks, hunting her ship, speaking with Vader – until, eventually, he'd returned to his quarters.

Sleep had proven to be an impossible task. His mind kept drifting back to her; the way she'd felt in his arms, the fact that he had her locked in the next room. His body reacted instantly, reminding him of the way she'd changed, her strength and determination as alluring as her curves. It was so bad he could _feel_ the air tingle with energy. Unable to stand it, he'd fled his room to pace the living space; torn between letting her sleep or waking her just provoke her. To somehow share the discomfort that was plaguing him.

 _Provoke her._

In long strides he was before the door, waiving it open; his feet silent on the cold floor. The room was dark and windowless, but suitable for the purposes Ren had in mind. A cot had been placed against the far wall, across from a small door led to a smaller bathroom. In the middle of the room, taking up most of the free space, was the interrogation chair Lira was restrained in. A white light above her came to life with a flick of his wrist. It would give him the advantage of the shadows when she woke. For now, he used it as an opportunity to take in the sight of her and examine the details he'd missed earlier.

When he'd seen her on Naboo he'd thought she was a man, but now, looking closer, there was no mistaking her for the woman she was. Long legs were hidden under light brown leggings that disappeared into high, dark boots. Judging by their length, she was nearly as tall as he was, now. For her tunic, she'd forgone the traditional cream or brown of a Jedi in favor of a deep green that accentuated her coloring. The belt that protected her waist and had carried her two lightsabers – the green one he'd seen her wield, and a blue staffsaber that had killed the first Stormtrooper who'd turned it on – made of rich leather.

As he watched the steady rise and fall of her chest, anger and confusion crashed hard against him.

 _How did you do it, Lira? How did you disappear?_

He searched for her signature in the Force, but even in sleep she managed to hide from him. It was infuriating. There had been moments, during his early years with Snoke when he could have sworn he'd felt her energy flash briefly in the galaxy; but whenever he'd hunted for it, it was gone. He stopped in front of her, closer than he would have dared had she been awake. A delicate strand of red-brown lay over her face. Reaching out, he swept the strand back and tucked it behind her ear, savoring the softness of it.

It had been months since he'd enjoyed the body of a woman; and years since he'd allowed himself to picture her. Imagine her. Remember her. His body's physical response to her was so sudden, so powerful; the pain of it stole his breath. He withdrew into the shadows and circled behind her.

"Wake up, Lira." He whispered against her ear.

* * *

Lira recognized the sensation of coming awake from a Force-induced sleep even before she'd opened her eyes. It was like being pulled from a dream too soon and it left her mind clouded. She hated it. But she knew why she was feeling its effects. His presence filled the room, charged the air. Made her skin prickle. It was a feeling she'd spent years trying to forget, and yet a tiny part of her reveled in the familiarity. She squashed that tiny part and tried to pinpoint his location. The harsh glow of the light above her and remnants of the sleep hid him from her within the darkness, and her mind marveled at the irony of that.

"Hello, Lira." He murmured, his breath grazing her neck.

She wanted to jump and the feel of his warm breath against her skin, but she managed not to. There was no way she would give him the satisfaction of knowing he'd surprised her. Instead she closed her eyes. Ignored him. Focused on the two lines of the Jedi code she would need the most: _Emotion, yet peace. Passion, yet serenity._ Lines she'd mostly ignored during her time as a bounty hunter.

Behind her, he chuckled. A low rumbling that set her nerves alight. "Aren't we a little old for childish games?"

She continued ignoring him, feeling the subtle change in air as he moved.

He tsked; a tickle of air at her side telling her he had stopped there. The brush of his mind against hers was gentle at first, probing; but her defenses were well built and true. Practiced and perfected for this very circumstance. Kylo Ren would need a lot more than that to breach her walls. He tried again, more insistent; pushing harder, searching for any weakness, any point of entry. There were none.

"Talk to me, Lira. Say my name." he hissed, anger sharpening his words. "Or are you really just a phantom that's come to haunt me?"

Still she remained silent, trying to fill her mind with useless information. Like the number of times he circled her chair.

His voice was soft when he spoke again. "Very well, since you've obviously mastered the art of pigheadedness and it would be pointless to continue this, I shall find someone else to…persuade…in your place, until you decide to talk. And if I need to, I will kill them. And I will do it every time you refuse to speak."

The truth of his words slammed into her the moment they left his lips. He left his mind open for her, let her enter; see his resolution, the nameless guards outside his bedroom door he intended to select first.

 _Choose Lira. Your defenses or their lives._

Her mind yelled at her to remain quiet, to not give into him, but her Jedi heart demanded she value all life. Even those of her enemies.

He was halfway out the door when she spoke, her voice catching from lack of use. Or fatigue. Or the sight of his half naked body unleashing memories from where she'd buried them.

"Stop, Ben. Stop."

* * *

Lira's voice was quiet, a gentle croak that skittered across his skin. Ren paused, savoring the way his name spilled from her lips and relishing his control over her.

He spoke over his shoulder, his voice low. "That's not my name anymore, Lira."

Before she could speak, he left the room, closing the door behind him. Now that he knew what it would take for her to cooperate, he would get the answers he wanted. He crossed the wide living space and opened the door to the hall, gesturing for one of the guards to join him. Ignoring the way the man jolted at seeing his face.

The shock that registered on Lira's face when he returned with a guest was beautiful. Surprise widened her eyes while anger flushed her cheeks, a combination similar to one he'd put on her face as a youth.

"You said – "

"I know what I said; but I told you, that isn't my name. So," he gestured to the trooper with a smile, "this is TR-1530, he'll be joining us."

If looks could kill, Ren would've been dead on the floor. As it was, she was trying to use the Force to slam him against the wall, but she only succeeded in pushing him back a few steps.

 _Stronger than expected. I'll need to make sure she gets a higher dose of sedation._

He frowned. They'd given her a mild sedative after he'd had her removed from his command shuttle. The hope was that a relaxant would minimize her abilities while also keeping her cognizant for interrogation.

"You're everything they say and more, _Kylo Ren_." She hissed, green eyes flashing, undoubtedly aware of the chemicals in her system.

"Oh?" he crossed his arms over is chest, a smirk pulling at his lips. "And what's that?"

She lifted her chin, defiant. "A coward and a murderer."

Anger flared inside him. He knew shouldn't have been surprised, that insults were to be expected, but hearing them come so easily from her was unnerving.

"There's no need to be rude, Lira."

She snorted. "You tried to take down my ship, you've chained me to an interrogation chair, given me some kind of sedative so I can't fight back, _and_ _I'm the rude one_? Interesting."

His smirk deepened. _There it is. That fire. This is the Lira I know._

"Let's start there, then. Why did you and your…companion…kidnap Toth Daa'r? Are you working for the Resistance?"

She rolled her eyes and yanked against her restraints, testing them.

Enjoying this game they seemed to be playing, he reached out and slammed TR-1530 against the wall, tsking at her. "Behave, Lira; or I'll be forced to find some more friends to join us."

"Stop saying my name," she snapped. Her skin flushing. "You don't know me. You have no right to say it. To act like you know anything about me."

Surprised, Ren dropped the Stormtrooper. Circled behind her. Leaned down, knowing exactly how to irritate her. Where her body was sensitive.

"But I _do_ know you. I probably know you better than anyone, _Lira Kenobi_. Or have you forgotten our time together? I could remind you, if you like." He drawled, knowing that names had power over their owners. It was one of the many reasons members of the First Order replaced theirs with something else.

The air around her stilled, sizzled with energy. For the first time, Ren could sense the tiniest bit of fear in her. When she spoke, her voice was slow, deliberate. The fire she'd shown earlier, gone. Replaced with the careful repetition of a well-rehearsed script.

"My name is Lira James. Lira Kenobi died the day you betrayed Luke and attacked the temple. As for Toth Daa'r, there's not a bounty hunter in the Outer Rim who wasn't looking for him. I just happened to find him first."

She leveled a scowl at him so fierce it would have rivaled one of Snoke's, even as her voice trembled. "There, I've answered your questions, so go rot."

* * *

Every cell inside her body wanted to scream, to rage at him for bringing back memories, sensations she'd spent years trying to forget.

How dare he suggest he knew her! That he remembered their "time" together, as he called it. To even suggest that she would want…. _Stop it!_ _Focus. Emotion, yet peace. Passion, yet serenity._

She let the mantra wash over her. Soothe the anger and hurt that had come to life inside her. If she was going to make it out of here alive, or with any semblance of her sanity left, she would need to focus. It would be incredibly stupid to let herself be swayed by his words, by the physical responses he was trying to elicit from her body.

 _It's a lie. Ben Solo is dead. And he is never coming back. Kylo Ren might look like him, might even sound like him, but it's a lie._

His dark eyes watched her, sensing the change as she tried to reign in her emotions.

"You asked me if I was a phantom that's come to haunt you," she murmured, eyeing TR-1530, searching his mind for any weakness. "I'm not here to haunt you. But you're right. I am a phantom. You killed me, remember? Or have you forgotten that little detail?"

If he was hoping to use the past against her, to sway her, then she could do the same. Maybe, if she was able to distract him enough with that, he'd fail to notice her use of the Force.

"That was a mistake, Lira." His voice was calm, nearly impossible to hear, he'd spoken so quietly. Before she realized what he was doing, could make a sound of warning, he reached out and used the Force to snap TR-1530's neck. The sickening crack making her want to vomit as the body collapsed on the floor, the armor thudding violently.

 _Wh-…How…? Why…?_

She couldn't form the words her mind was reaching for. Could only stare, horrified at what he'd done. The ache in her throat and sudden burning behind her eyes warning her of the tears that threatened to spill.

He stepped in front of her, his dark eyes hard. The muscles of is chest rippling as he reached out to her.

When he cupped her face, she recoiled, desperate for escape, but found none. He didn't release her. Using the pad of his thumb, he wiped a stray tear from her cheek.

"You are not the only Jedi in this room." He chided, tilting her face so that she was forced to look at him. "I am more powerful than you realize, Lira. Remember that the next time to try to use your skills around me."

"You were going to kill him, anyway, weren't you?' she asked, hating the way her voice quavered.

His fingers brushed strands of hair back from her face. "Yes."

Somewhere inside of her, something cracked. She should have listened to Jae. They never should have tried to do the job.

"If it makes you feel any better, he was dead the moment he walked in the room. I wasn't going to let anything that was discussed here leave these walls. Keep that in mind for tomorrow."

She closed her eyes, not wanting to see him. Letting the tears fall in front of him. For a moment, she thought he'd stay or try to Push her back into sleep, instead, he left her with her pain. Let her mourn the unnecessary loss of life.

 _That was your mistake, Kylo Ren._

Inhaling deeply, she tucked the pain and anger away into the corner of her soul where all her aches lay, and steadied herself. If she was going to try to use the Force to undo the screws of her restraints, she would need all the focus she could muster, and then some.

 _We'll see just how powerful you really are tomorrow._


	4. Betrayal

Lira groaned. She was completely exhausted. If it were possible to curl up into a ball and sleep for the next century, she would.

 _Probably. After breakfast._

She ignored the mild burning in her stomach, happy to be free of her restraints. The fatigue and hunger were worth it if it meant she was no longer strapped into that stupid chair. A quick massage of her wrists had her purring with pleasure.

 _As soon as I get to a Resistance base, I'm getting a massage. A deep one. Maybe I'll even coerce Jae into getting one, that guy is too wound up. Gah! Stop that. Focus on the priorities: escape first, massage and comradery later._

Now was not the time to get distracted. Even though she wanted to reach out and see if he'd made it to Takodana, she was unwilling to try it with Kylo Ren this close. The fact that he'd been able to read her intentions last night and kill TR-1530 before she'd even entered his mind, was terrifying.

 _"That was a mistake,"_ he'd said. Well fine, she wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

 _Pompous, arrogant, jerk._

She gave the room a quick examination, looking for anything that could be used as a tool, or better yet, a weapon. If anyone– especially Kylo Ren – walked in, she wanted to give them a proper welcome.

 _Wampa Balls._

There was absolutely nothing she could use.

 _He probably hid my sabers…or worse, took them with him….  
_  
Huffing, she sat down on the floor and crossed her legs, focusing on her breath. Unlike Ben Solo, she hadn't trained at the temple with Master Luke. She'd studied under the tutelage of her father, the secret son of Ben Kenobi. Like she'd done so many times over the years, she wondered what it would have been like to study with Luke; to learn his methods and styles as opposed to her father's strict discipline.

 _It must have been better than spending that year on Dagobah. That was ridiculous. Maybe….maybe I could have helped Ben…..Nope. Don't go there, Lira. Ben made his choice, and there is no undoing the past. Focus. In. And out. Feel the air fill the lungs, the Force around you, release._

Her father always insisted that the best way to find a solution was to meditate. And right now, she had a lot of problems she needed solutions for. At least she'd gotten free of that stupid chair. Unfortunately, she still had to contend with getting to a ship and flying out of here.

 _Because let's be honest, I can't fly. The next time I see Poe Dameron, I'll put my stupid pride aside and take him up on his offer to teach me the ways of the pilot._

Tipping her head back, she glared at the ceiling and groaned. Meditating was not helping. It was just making her think about things she couldn't control, undo, or learn in the next hour.

 _Let's just do this the old fashioned way – fly by the seat of my pants and hope for the best. But first….I need to blend in._

Five minutes later, she glanced down and winced. The only set of clothes she'd found in her cell had been all black. Black pants, black bandage-style top that exposed her abdomen, and a black hooded vest.

 _At least they match._

She pulled her hair into a high ponytail and fidgeted. Without her weapons or her own clothes, she felt exceptionally vulnerable, and she hated it. There were only a handful of times she'd felt like this….once, the first night she'd slept with the boy she loved; and a few times after, when the universe had proven a dark and brutal place.

 _Emotion, yet peace. Passion, yet serenity. Let the past go, Lira._

Having the use of her hands, she was able to make quick work of the cell door. However she was not expecting to be in someone's private quarters. Glancing around told her whose quarters they probably were – _Kylo Ren._ Everything was black and metal.

She shook off the odd feeling of being in his personal space and waited to make sure he wasn't somewhere in the rooms. The power he radiated was absent.

 _Now is the perfect time to run_. _Don't waste it._

Once outside, she felt a mild surge of panic. She had no idea where the hangar was or how to get there from Kylo's quarters.

 _Not the time, Lira. You're a Jedi, aren't you? Figure it out._

The halls were quiet, no guards or patrols; which struck Lira as strange. Either Kylo Ren wasn't giving her enough credit, and didn't think she could escape; or he was giving her too much and didn't want her around anyone she could influence. It didn't matter; he'd regret his decision either way.

* * *

"Lord Ren?"

Ren turned at the sound of Captain Phasma's voice, annoyed at being interrupted. He'd been mediating for hours, trying to quiet the thoughts that tempted him back to the light, back to Lira. He did not want to give into temptation like Anakin Skywalker had. To fail Vader.

"What?"

Phasma shifted her weight from foot to foot, taking a moment to speak. A stall tactic Ren had discovered long ago.

"Spit it out, Captain. I'm busy."

"We've detected a woman trying to enter the flight hangar."

Ren swore and got to his feet.

"Is there something we should know, Lord Ren? The woman seems to have come from your quarters…." Phasma let the insinuation ask the question for her. Ren's temper was notorious and she did not want that red crosssaber anywhere near her.

From behind his mask, Ren narrowed his eyes. His mechanical voice came out calm and measured. "There is nothing you need to know, Captain Phasma. That woman is my _guest_. Keep the bay doors locked so she can't escape, but do not let your men anywhere near her. I'll take care of it."

Without waiting for her answer, he left the room, black cloak billowing behind him.

 _How the in the name of the Dark Side did she get out of her cell?!  
_  
It wasn't hard to locate her. Stormtroopers had cornered off the corridor she was in, keeping anyone from entering or exiting.

"You," Ren hissed, pointing to the nearest guard, "take three of your best men and provide a distraction. I'll come around from behind and subdue her. Absolutely **no** harm is to come to her, understand?"

"Yes, sir."

Ren let them sort out who would enter the hallway as he doubled back to the opposite side. Hopefully, they could keep her distracted long enough that she wouldn't notice him until it was too late.

 _After all, little Lira, you're not the only one who knows how to hide their presence in the Force._

Her back was to him, stance cautious as she watched Phasma's men approach. He waited for the moment when they charged to do the same, being careful not to make too much noise. It was almost disappointing how easy it was to surprise her. Ren wrapped one arm around her waist, the other across her arms and chest, as strong as possible without cracking bone.

"Now, now, Lira. You didn't think it would be that easy, did you?" he asked, enjoying the way she stilled in his arms. "We've been watching you since you left my quarters."

"Let me go!" she hissed, struggling against him.

"No." Ren leaned back, lifting her off her feet. "If you want to make sure they stay alive, you will stop struggling and come with me. Otherwise, I'll kill them now, and we can see just which one of us is stronger with the Force."

"You can't keep using that as a threat against me, _Ben._ Sooner or later, I'm going to get off this ship."

He chuckled. "Maybe, but we both know it's not today. Now, do they live or die?"

She stopped squirming instantly. His body was grateful. Her wiggling had triggered a physical response he did not want her to know about.

"Good girl." Her murmured, setting her back on her feet. He let one of the guards place shackles on her wrists before sending them back on patrols. He would deal with her on his own, and as far from the reaches of the First Order as he could manage.

* * *

If Lira was expecting Kylo Ren to shove her back in that tiny cell, she was sorely mistaken. Instead, he marched her into a larger, more luxurious room. Dark, cool stone stretched across the floor. A massive window in the far wall offered a breathtaking view of the galaxy. Shelves covered the left wall and were lined with various artifacts and holocrons. The right was bare, except for two doors leading to a closet and restroom. Near the door they'd just entered was a small table, lamp and chair. And in the middle of the room, commanding as much attention as its owner, was a bed.

 _Oh, sweet Yoda. I'm in his bedroom. Nope, not okay._

She stopped and tried to turn around, intent on walking back into her cell, but his vice-like grip caught her above the elbow and hauled her back.

"Where do you think you're going?" Ren asked, his voice amused.

"I'm not staying in here, with _you,_ if that's what you're wondering."

He pulled her hard and closed the door behind her. "You're not leaving until I get some answers." He crossed his arms over his chest.

 _Now that's an interesting look._

"Well, that sucks for you. I'm not talking to some First Order masked man."

A low rumbling came from him, and for a moment she wondered if he'd actually just growled at her. In a smooth motion, he released and removed his mask.

"Satisfied?"

She snorted, exceptionally uncomfortable. "Hardly."

His dark eyes glittered dangerously. "I could help you with that."

"Don't flatter yourself. Nothing about you could ever be satisfying."

His mind brushed against hers softly, causing her to break out in chills. _You'll come to me eventually, Lira._

Instantly she threw her mental walls up, shoving him out. It was easy, too easy to fall into the familiar banter of their youth. "Are you going to ask me questions, or just continue harassing me? Because if you're going to harass me, I'll just tell you now that it's pointless." Even to her own ears, her voice was tight, unnerved.

His nonchalance was infuriating. He shrugged and gestured to the chair, being far more civilized than she would have expected from Snoke's henchman. "You may as well make yourself comfortable, you will be here for a while."

 _That's what you think._

She dropped into the chair and curled her legs up under her, trying to keep as far from him as she could. "Just get to it."

"Let's start with the most obvious one, then. How are you still alive? I watched you….I watched you die. I felt you leave the Force."

"I can't really explain it. It'd be easier to show you, rather than tell you." Lira murmured, looking away from him. Her mind already drifting to the night she'd become a ghost and Ben Solo had become Kylo Ren.

"Show me, then."

* * *

Ren felt her thoughts instantly, as familiar to him as his own; though she was careful not to let anything else open to him except for what she wanted him to see.

 _The night was clear, perfect. Stars littered the shadows above her and Lira pulled her cloak down to savor the beauty of it. A storm was coming. She could feel it in the charge of the air; its energy making the hair on her neck stand up, but hopefully it wouldn't hit for several more hours._

 _Ahead of her lay the back entrance to the temple. Luke had always insisted she have the shuttle drop her off where she wouldn't startle the younglings – which they both knew she loved to do. It had been a year since she'd last been here, and she was eager to show Luke and Ben what she'd learned on Dagobah. To recount her adventures on the swampy, wet planet.  
_

 _She was only mildly surprised to see Master Luke waiting for her at the top of the staircase. "How did you know?" she asked, wiping a strand of hair from her face. "I wanted to surprise you."_

 _Luke's blue eyes winked back at her. "I could feel your excitement as the shuttle landed." He smiled at her. "How are you, Lira? You've grown so much since the last time you were here, and I don't just mean physically."_

 _Lira beamed at him. "Thank you, Master Luke. Dagobah was everything you said it would be and more. Although, the humidity and hallucinations sucked! I don't know how you managed it. We saw Master Yoda's ghost – he sends his hellos and says you should visit more."_

 _Luke chuckled, pulled his hood down. "He always says that." He didn't miss the way the young girl's eyes searched the hall for her friend._

 _"Master Luke, where's Ben? I'd like to tell him about my trip as well."_

 _Luke flinched, as if she'd physically struck him. "Lira….there's something I must tell you. I didn't want to upset you during your training, but there's no keeping the truth of it from you now."_

 _Lira froze, her heart pounding in her chest at the pain she heard in his voice. "What is it?" she studied his face, searching for any information that lay hidden there. "What's happened? Is he okay?"_

 _Luke sighed, his age seeming too much for him to bear in that moment, despite the fact that he was still in the prime of his life. He turned; his blue eyes sad and distant. "Lira, Ben….Ben has been seduced by the Snoke and the Dark Side. He left us not long after you went to Dagobah."_

 _If Lira had expected anything, it hadn't been that. Injured, perhaps. Captured, maybe. Grievously ill. But not that. Never that. She stepped back. Pain gripped her heart, making it hard to breathe. "You're wrong….he can't have. He wouldn't have!"_

 _Luke reached for her. Rested his hands on her shoulders until her tear-filled eyes met his. "I'm sorry. I wish I could spare you the pain of his betrayal, but you needed to know. Ben Solo has chosen to follow in the path of Darth Vader."_

 _An odd burning sensation prickled the back of her throat, and she shook her head. Unwilling to believe it, desperate to refuse the truth she felt in him. "Why? Why would he betray us like this? What ha-happened?" She fought the quake in her voice, tried to put on a strong front._

 _Luke straightened and began walking again, guiding her to the staircase that led to the archives. "More than any other youngling or Force-sensitive, Ben has always faced the challenge of choosing between the Light and Dark. Because of his lineage, both sides are constantly at war inside him. We knew this, as did you. For a while, we thought - and hoped - that if we showed him enough of the Light, he would choose to fight alongside us, or at worse, become a Grey Jedi. However, there was always a possibility the Dark would win. Snoke took that and manipulated it, slowly corrupting Ben until he was seduced to the Dark Side. We didn't realize it until it was too late."_

 _They continued walking, passing younglings and other Jedi who offered quick greetings._

 _"How did you miss it? You are his uncle, his teacher. You should have seen it." Lira regretted her words as soon as they left her lips. "I'm sorry. You must have asked yourself the same questions….and as both of those things, it must have hurt you the most. Forgive me."_

 _Luke waved away her apology. "It's okay. You're right. I should have seen the change in him. Felt Snoke's manipulation in him; but Snoke, for all his faults, is a devious and cautious individual. He took his time with Ben, until the moment was right and he was able to sway him."_

 _"Is there no way to find him? Bring him back and make him see reason?" she asked, setting her pain aside in place of a plan of action. If she could focus on that, she could get past the heartbreak._

 _Luke shook his head. "Unfortunately, we don't know where they are. Ben has learned how to hide himself from me in the Force."_

 _They came to a stop outside the entrance to the archives. "Truly I'm sorry, Lira. I know you were close – that you loved him. But perhaps now….now you can understand why Jedi are not permitted to form such strong attachments to others. To fall in love. Such a bond can cloud our judgment, lead us to corruption."_

 _Lira said nothing; felt only the ache in her heart that seemed unmanageable._

 _"Perhaps some time here will help. You can add your experiences to a holocron or study some of the lessons from the Masters to seek counsel." He placed a hand on her shoulder again, drawing her attention back to him. "Despite the gloomy welcome, I am very happy to see you; and I hope you will stay with us for a while, even though Ben is gone. Truthfully, I could use some help with the younglings."_

 _She nodded, attempted a weak smile. "Of course. I'd be happy too." Luke said something in reply, but Lira didn't hear him, her mind already drifting back to Ben._

 _She spent hours in the archives, lost in her own thoughts until she heard the screaming._

 _What in the world?_

 _Grabbing the training lightsaber her father had given her, she ran for the entrance to the archives. Silently cursing herself for having wandered all the way to the back for solitude. It was going to take her forever to get back to the main floor and see what was going on. The building shook. Rattling and cracking as if it, too, were screaming._

 _Her legs burned as she ran up the stairs wondering where all the others had gone. The temple was eerily quiet. No children laughing, no dueling, no chatter. It made her skin crawl. At last she made it to the main floor, and felt her stomach seize._

 _Bodies of all shapes and sizes lay strewn across the floor. The scent of blood, burnt flesh, and smoke filled the air. She felt her knees give out from under her and she collapsed, retching on the carpet, tears streaming down her face._

 _What – what is going on?!_

 _A sound across the hall caught her attention. Shakily, she rose and went to it, searching frantically until she saw where it was coming from. A youngling. A small boy no more than six was on the ground, mewling. Blood sputtering from his mouth; a lightsaber had burned a hole in the middle of his chest. His gold eyes stared at her, terrified._

 _No!_

 _Lira sobbed and dropped to her knees, scooping him into her arms. "Shh, little one. I've got you. It's all right."_

 _She stroked his head, clutching his small frame tightly against her chest, resting her face against his head. His cries quieted in her arms and she rocked him, continuing to coo until he stilled; tears streaked down her face as she felt the breath leave his body. Time stopped, and Lira had no idea how long she stayed there on the floor, rocking the dead boy in her arms, repeating the Code over and over._

 _The temple continued to shudder around her; and vaguely she was aware that it would give way soon, and she would need to leave or risk dying as well. Bitterly she lay the child on the ground, rose to her feet. She'd only walked a few steps when she came to the training rooms of the other younglings. They were scattered like dolls around the room. Some as peaceful as if they were asleep, others bloody and broken in the way only a violent death could be. Numb, she crossed into the room, unable to understand how this had happened or who could have done it. Around her the walls continued to crumble and shake._

 _The temple is broken. There's nothing left._

 _"Lira?"_

 _She turned, empty and hollow to the sound of her name. The voice that had spoken was unrecognizable, mechanical and cold._

 _A figure wearing a black and silver mask was watching her from across the hall. His tall frame blocking her view of even more bodies around him; yet despite his appearance, something about him was familiar. The way he held himself, the way he seemed to be watching her from behind that black helmet. One that looked so similar to the one Vader had worn…_

 _Ben?_

 _Tentatively, she took a step towards him until she saw the red light of his blade cut down a student who attacked him._

 _"Y-you did this?" she gasped. Her voice raw and hysterical. "Ben?"_

 _The dark figure turned to her, retracted the lightsaber. "Lira." he said again. "Come with me."_

 _She watched in horror as he began to slowly walk towards her, a gloved hand outstretched._

 _"I don't understand." She stepped back, keeping the distance between them. "I don't know who are, but I'm not going with you."_

 _"It's me," the voice soothed. "It's Ben. Come with me, Lira. It's not safe here."_

 _She continued backing up, her legs stumbling over the bodies of the younglings. Anger, and something else, something infinitely more painful, came to life inside her. "You did this."_

 _She gestured to the room. "You killed them…these children? These innocents?"_

 _He stopped; his dark hand dropping. "They are not innocent. They are my enemy."_

 _Lira shook her head. The pain she felt in the Force from the colossal loss of life, overwhelming her._ _"They're children. They are no one's enemy. If they are your enemy, Ben, then so am I."_

 _Before he could speak, the temple gave another, jarring shake. Ben made a move for her, but Lira was ready. She threw out her hands and sent him flying backwards._

 _"I would rather be dead than go anywhere with you." Raising her hands over head, she reached out with the Force and pulled on the ceiling; willing the blocks to fall. Hoping the end would be quick so the heartache would stop. "Goodbye, Ben."_

 _The last thing she saw before the darkness took her was his shadow running for her, the blocks tumbling everywhere._

 _For hours, heartbeats, lifetimes, she lingered there, savoring the quiet. The way the darkness caressed her. Urged her to stay within its confines, safe and comfortable; but something was pulling her back. An ache and a rage unlike anything she'd ever known before. Like the rhythm of a drum, someone was beating on her, urging her back to the pain of the light._

 _Frustrated, she opened her eyes, ready to tell whoever was bothering her to let her die in peace; surprised to find Luke's worried ones staring back at her._

 _His voice cracked. "Finally. I was worried you were too far gone."_

 _She tried to speak, to warn him of Ben, but he pressed a hand to her forehead, urging her back to sleep._

 _"It's all right; you're safe, Lira. Rest. I'll get us out of here."_

Ren felt the agony of the memory in his own body as Lira's mind pulled back from him, withdrawing into herself. He looked at her, knowing there would be tears in her eyes, but she refused to meet his gaze; instead focusing on the reflection of the light on the stone floor.

"There you have it," she mumbled, her voice quiet. "I died that night, but somehow Master Luke brought me back. Kept me alive and hidden in the Force until I was strong enough to hide from you without him. And it worked, beautifully, until Naboo. Just don't ask me _how_ he did it because I don't know. I kind of wish he hadn't. It would have been better to die with the others than live with your betrayal."


	5. Imagine

A/N: Hi guys :) So sorry for the delay - a family issue came up! Anyway, here's the rest of Ch 5 :) Hope you like it! Special thanks and shout out to "Malecx" for being so sweet & leaving me a review. You have no idea how much I needed that today. Thank you! Anyway, here's the rest. PS - this one is all Kylo Ren ;)

* * *

Ren cleared his throat, shoving the guilt away.

 _It had been necessary. A "purge" the Supreme Leader had said, a way to rid himself of the pull to the Light Side._

He reined his thoughts in. There was no need to justify his actions to himself. He'd done what needed to be done, that was all. Her disgust wouldn't change anything. Wouldn't change him.

 _Liar,_ the part of his mind that drifted to the Light, hissed. He'd wanted to comfort her…apologize… anything that would make her hate him just a tiny bit less.

Ren pinched the bridge of his nose. She still hadn't looked at him. He ignored the direction his thoughts were going and focused on what he knew the Supreme Leader would want to know.

"You said you don't know how Luke kept you alive or hidden from me…what about where you lived. What have you been doing all this time? Are there others?"

Lira glanced at him. The tears gone, but the sadness her memory had stirred up radiated off of her.

 _She was always horrible at masking her emotions._

Her voice was barely above a hard whisper when she spoke. "Any other temple survivors? You know there aren't. But…you of all people should know that the Force has a way of bringing about balance when needed."

She rolled her shoulders, and Ren realized that she was probably exhausted. If she'd managed to escape her cell and get to the flight hangar, she must have used a great deal of energy.

 _And now I've made her recount an emotionally draining event…._

Whether she was exhausted or just stiff, she shook it off and frowned at him. "You can't honestly expect me to tell you where we lived."

At his droll expression, she rolled her eyes and continued talking. "We lived everywhere and nowhere….never staying anywhere long enough to make an impression or short enough to be memorable. When it was time, I left. You found me doing what I have been doing for a while – being a bounty hunter. That's all."

A smirk played on Ren's lips. "That's hardly all of it, but it will do for now. You need to rest. You can't be of any use to us if you're dead."

Lira's eyebrows rose at that. "You can't expect me to of any use to you at all. I'll be off this stupid ship before you know it."

In an instant he was in front of her. His movements so unexpected she shot back into the chair to avoid colliding with him. Anger and that other emotion he'd yet to identify ragging hot in his chest. He gripped the armrests of her seat and leaned down close, his voice dangerously quiet.

"I found you once Lira, even though you were dead. Don't think for a moment I won't do it again now that I know you're alive. There is nowhere, _nowhere_ , in the galaxy you can hide from me."

For a glorious heartbeat, she said nothing – just stared at him, her mouth slightly open in shock. It took sheer force of will for Ren not to close the distance between them and taste her lips with his own. As quickly as it arrived, the moment passed, and Lira was shoving her hands into his chest and pushing him away from her. Her pale skin flushed, her pupils dilated. She rose in a flurry, a mix of emotions rolling off of her. "If you're done being a creep, I'm going back to my cell."

Ren grinned, trying hard not to enjoy the moment. "You're not going back to your cell."

At her incredulous expression, he crossed his arms over his chest and shrugged. "You can't really expect us to leave you alone after today's little escapade. No, you'll be staying in here. With me."

This time, Lira's mouth fell open. "You can't be serious." She stormed to the door. "Let me out. I'm not staying in here with you."

Ren quirked a brow at her. "Giving orders are we? You're staying here whether you like it or not."

A part of him expected her to lash out, yell, threaten, or maybe even cry. Instead she took a deep breath, and glanced around the room. Even without the Force he could feel her looking for something.

"And where am I supposed to sleep, hmm? At least the other room had a cot."

Ren followed her gaze and felt a dark pleasure rise in him.

 _You make it so easy…_

"I don't care where you sleep; but if your concerned about comfort, I can assure you the bed is large enough for the two of us."

"I'd rather sleep with a Wampa." She snapped, green eyes glowing.

He shrugged. "Suit yourself. Oh, and in case you were going to another escape. Those cuffs don't have screws and that door has been coded to me, so it will only open when I want it to. "

With that, Ren walked into the bathroom and began to undress, not at all surprised to hear her swearing at him.

A cold shower is what he needed. Something to help him soothe the tension wound tightly inside him. Shucking his clothes, he glanced down, frowned.

 _Maybe even kill this…._

He clenched his jaw. The water was doing little to calm the physical response that close encounter had elicited. Being so near to her mouth had brought back a flood of memories and a physical reaction so strong he'd needed to put space between them.

Ren closed his eyes, his breath ragged. The rhythm of the water falling against his skin helped his mind wander, and before he knew what he was doing his hand was taking her place. Acting out the images that teased his mind. Any momentary fear that she would walk in and discover him was quickly dispelled when his mind reminded him that his bathroom was coded to him as well.

He tipped his head back, let the cool liquid course over his body. Imagined that it was her driving him to the brink – her lips, her heat, the curve of her waist. Imagined the way she would taste and feel after all this time, wondered if it would be the same or different, now that they were older. A quiet moan – or was it a groan – escaped him. Drove him higher. Suddenly, he came; his body tensing violently.

 _Shit._

Ren placed his head against the cold stone, trying to forget what he'd just done. What he still wanted to do. _With her_. Over and over again until there was nothing left but spent limbs and tangled breathing. It had been years since he'd had a release like that – so intense it was violent. He'd almost forgotten what it felt like.

Annoyed that he'd given in to temptation, he turned off the water and dried off. If he could sleep, he would; and maybe in the morning he'd have some clarity and be back to normal. He yanked his sleeping pants on and secretly hoped that seeing him half naked would drive her to the same madness he'd just endured.

 _Unless she imagines someone else…._ He stopped at his own thoughts. Brought back the image of her companion: tall, lean, angular face, spiky black hair, gold eyes. That other emotion came roaring back to life.

 _Tomorrow. I'll find out about that other bounty hunter, tomorrow._

Irritated, and no less relaxed than when he'd first stepped into the bathroom, Ren left. Sleep was going to be his best option at getting back to normal; at shaking _whatever_ this was, off.

When his eyes swept his bedroom, his heart slammed to a stop in his chest. Lira was gone.

 _That's not possible. THAT. IS. **NOT**. POSSIBLE. _

Ren reached for his lightsaber, ready to cause harm to anyone and anything that got in his way. He was nearly to the bedroom door when he heard it – the softest sound was coming from behind the chair in the corner.

Silently he sent his mind out to her, tried to pinpoint her location. As always, there was no sign of her.

 _Lira…if that's you, come out._

He raised his hand, ready to fight her if needed. When there was no reply, he Force lifted the chair and stared. Dumbstruck.

Lira was curled up in the corner, asleep. Her hair spilled like a pool around her, and she kept her back pressed tightly against the wall, as if to reassure herself that nothing could surprise her. She'd drawn her knees under her chin, her arms tucked tightly under her jaw, like a child.

The sight of her like that floored him. Sent him back as surely as if she'd pushed him. His mind pulling up a forgotten memory of them as younglings, spending the night in the woods. She'd slept exactly the same way, afraid of things that crawled and bit. He'd watched over her, promising to kill anything that bothered them; until he had fallen asleep beside her, sitting upright against a tree, a rock in his hand ready to be used as a weapon at a moment's notice.

He stared at her, unsure of what to do. Part of him wanted to cover her with a blanket as he was sure she was cold. Another part demanded that he let her suffer, and chided that he shouldn't care if she was comfortable or not.

 _Stupid. Stubborn. Pointless. I hate you._

In his mind he swore at her, yelled at her and vowed to make her life miserable; even as he stormed to the bed, grabbed a spare blanket and went back to throw it over her.

Furious at himself for a second failure, Ren slipped into bed and turned away from her. Focused on trying to sleep – if it was even possible – and wondered if he'd imagined the soft brush of her mind thanking him.


	6. Trouble

A/N: Hi all! Here is all of Ch. 6 :) Hope you like it!

* * *

 _"Lira?"_

 _The images that had made up her dream faded, morphing and twisting into something new. As the scenery refocused so did her consciousness. Lira smiled._

 _This isn't a dream._

 _She could feel the cool breeze of sea air. Smell the faint hint of a fire burning somewhere – or one recently put out. Darkness cloaked the landscape from view so not even the stars were visible, and she knew it was a calculated move to protect both her and her companion._

 _"Hi Master Luke."_

 _"Hello, Lira." He stepped from the shadows and lowered his hood._

 _Despite the passage of time, the fatigue on his face and the sadness that lingered in his eyes still surprised her. Though he looked better than he had the last time she'd seen him._

 _"Before you ask, Jae is safe." He gestured for her to sit across from him, "But we have decided it would be best if he does not take any jobs for a while, so he is staying with the Resistance somewhere safe."_

 _Lira felt a weight lift from her chest and she smiled gratefully. "Thank you."_

 _Luke nodded and lowered himself to the ground. "Jae explained what happened…that you ran into Be-Kylo Ren. Are you hurt?"_

 _Lira sighed and studied the man who was like a second father to her. He'd lost weight, and his voice was rougher, probably because he wasn't using it enough. "Not physically hurt, no…although they do have me in shackles."_

 _Luke grinned, a ghost of happiness appearing in his eyes. "No doubt you earned them."_

 _She smiled, as close to happy as she'd been in days. "Maybe."_

 _"You didn't answer the question, Lira. Are you hurt?"_

 _That familiar ache she kept hidden away in her heart came back, and she knew he felt it. "Only when I look at him. He looks so much like the boy I knew, but he is a man now; and he is not Ben Solo. It's hard, but I will get past it."_

 _Luke nodded but his eyes darkened. "I'm sorry Lira. Truly. Is there any way you can escape?"_

 _"Yes, of course. Just not at this particular moment – probably not any time 'soon'. And only if Kylo Ren isn't around. As you know, he is incredibly strong, and if we were to face off…I don't know who would win."_

 _Luke ran his good hand over his beard. "Yes, you two were an even match when you were younger. Now that you've both had training, it would be impossible to tell the outcome. You are right, it would not be a good idea to try and fight him. Instead…."_

 _His voice drifted off, and for a moment he was lost in his thoughts. She let him think, not wanting to bombard him with questions like she'd done as a child. When he looked up at her, his eyes were dark, conflicted. "Lira….I must talk with you about something."_

 _She nodded, a pool of unease taking root in her gut._

 _"As you know, Leia believes there is still good in Ben. That he can be swayed back to the Light, despite everything he's done."_

 _At her skeptical expression, he held up a hand and continued speaking. "Han and I disagree. There is simply too much of the Dark Side in him.….However...I do not believe he is meant for the Dark, either. Ben was born with a curse….he straddles both the Light and the Dark Side. It is why he is conflicted, why he will always be conflicted. And there is little we can do to change that."_

 _Lira frowned. "Okay….?"_

 _Taking a deep breath, Luke sat a little straighter, and Lira knew she was in for trouble. It was a sign he was going to tell her something she wouldn't like._

 _"But maybe you can."_

 _Huh?_

 _Lira felt her face fall, confusion distorting its features. "I don't understand."_

 _"None of us – not his mother, his father, or I – can reach Ben Solo…but maybe you can. By reminding him of who he once was."_

 _"You can't be serious."_

 _A glimmer of a smile flitted over his features. They had given up calling each other by their proper titles, years ago. Lira thought it was because she was so horrible with formality; but in his heart, it was because Luke hated to be reminded of how few Jedi were left._

 _"I am. I know I am asking too much of you….that it can only bring you more pain; and for that I am truly sorry. But please, Lira, at least try. Remind him that he is neither Light nor Dark, but somewhere in between. That he is the physical embodiment of balance – it may be the only way to reach him, now."_

 _For a moment, Lira was completely and utterly stunned. Words started to form and then vanished on her tongue. Emotions bubbled and curled inside her making her feel sick and uneasy. Her hands trembled slightly. Her mind rebelled instantly, but her heart, that traitorous little organ, wondered if maybe there was hope._

 _"No." She said finally, shaking her head to try and control herself. "You cannot ask this of me, Luke. Ben made his choice, and he chose the Dark Side. Yes, I knew the boy he used to be. I even loved him. But I do not know this man he has become. What makes you think I could have any kind of influence over him?"_

 _Luke offered her a sad smile. "Because he is Anakin Skywalker's grandson. And like Anakin, love could be the key to his fate."_

 _Lira snorted. "Yeah sure; and I'm a Wampa's mother."_

 _"Lira…"_

 _"No, Luke. This isn't a game. You're asking me to risk my life, my sanity, **everything** I have worked hard to….to put back together after that night so I can **try** and bring him closer to the Light? Really? What happens if I fail? Then what? And assuming I were even remotely considering this plan – which I'm not – how long would you suggest I stay?"_

 _"Yes. I am asking that of you, and more. But only you can decide if it is worth the risk. And whatever you choose, of course I will understand and support you. But do not decide now….just….just think about it. Please."_

 _If it had been anyone else, Lira was sure she would have said no and left. But it was Luke. Luke, who saved her life and flown her to safety. Luke, who brought her back from the months of depression and near-insanity she'd faced after Ben's betrayal. Luke, who was as devastated now, as he had been the day the temple burned._

 _Groaning, Lira put her hands over her face. "Fine, I'll do it. But just so you know, I am completely against it. And I'm only doing it because it's for you, Luke. Anyone else would be bleeding on the floor right now. And if I decide to leave, I don't want to hear about it. Agreed?"_

 _A look passed over Luke's face and Lira couldn't tell if it was relief, or hope, or fear, but he nodded. "Of course. Thank you."_

 _"Don't thank me yet, I may still throw something at you when I see you again."_

 _This time, his smile reached his eyes. "You're still too young for that. You'll need much more practice before you can hit me."_

 _She rolled her eyes, savoring the moment. The bond was fading, and she could feel him slowly pulling away. These conversations were always too short and too brutal for them to really benefit either of them._

 _"Are you safe?" she asked, a stab of loneliness hitting her hard._

 _He nodded. "Yes. We will see each other again, do not worry." His blue eyes softened as he stood up. "May the Force be with you, Lira."_

 _She rose as well, and nodded; wishing there was more time. "You too, Master Luke."_

His form had barely vanished into the shadows before a sharp prick against her arm grabbed her attention and she was thrust back into her body aboard the _Finalizer_.

When she opened her eyes, everything was distorted. She grumbled and rubbed her eyes, surprised to find her hands free of shackles. They'd given her that stupid sedative again. While it was technically true that she could feel the chemicals in her system, it was actually the taste that gave it away. Any time she was given an injection, there was always a strange after taste.

Lira frowned and stretched, willing her muscles to function as normally as possible. She looked up, annoyed that she'd fallen asleep. It was a bad sign that she'd taken such a huge risk without meaning to. As if the Force were trying to prove her right, Kylo Ren was standing over her, dressed in his uniform, his mask gripped tightly in his hand.

"Oh, it's you. You know it's rude to stare at people when they sleep, right? Not to mention inject them with strange chemicals."

His glare was murderous. "You're lucky that's all I did."

She snorted and enjoyed the way his jaw clenched in response.

 _I might be on the path to insanity, but at least I can have some fun while I go._

"Try anything else, and we'll see who ends up sedated." She glanced away from him, trying to distract herself from the way his eyes focused on her. "Anyhow, what do you want?"

His expression nearly made her laugh. He looked as though he wanted to strangle her or argue with her.

 _Maybe both. Probably both._

Instead, he pointed to the table beside her. A platter of food and some water had been placed there.

"No." the word was out before she'd even realized she'd spoken.

His expression darkened. "You don't even know what I was going to say."

Lira shrugged, feeling the sedative loosen her muscles. "I don't need to know. Whatever it is, the answer is no."

"I've already told you we will need you alive. That means you need to eat."

"Nope."

His cheeks darkened, and she swore the air crackled around them. "You will eat it, even if I have to have a droid force feed you."

"Try it. We'll see how many droids the First Order can afford. You know, if you're really worried about my survival, you could always let me go. Then, I promise you, I would stay alive. No problem."

Ben said nothing; but the air stirred with his anger. Without a backward glance, he turned on his heel and exited the room, letting the door slam shut behind him. When she was sure he was gone, Lira sighed. She had no idea what she was doing, or why she had agreed to this disaster of a plan, but she could  
already tell it was a bad idea.

* * *

Ren fumed as he marched to the bridge.

Not only had he given in to temptation the night before, **twice**. He'd been soft this morning and had provided her with decent food to eat, instead of the slop they served normal prisoners.

 _Weak._

The Dark Side railed against him; accused her of being a manipulative temptress for the Light. Letting his emotions run free, he used the Force and sent a patrol group against the far wall. He needed guidance, but didn't want to expose her to the Supreme Leader just yet.

 _It would raise too many questions._ He reasoned. _Liar. You don't want to expose her because you know what kind of things they do to Jedi…especially incorruptible Jedi._

Ren slammed a fist into the wall. It had to stop. Somehow, this torturous pull between the Light and the Dark had to stop. Hadn't he proven his loyalty to the Dark Side? Hadn't he carried out the Supreme Leader's commands perfectly – without doubt or concern? Only once had he been tempted to stray from his orders, and it had been the day Lira had vanished from his life.

The sight of her standing there, covered in blood and tears among the bodies of the younglings had stopped him cold, made him want to save her and run.

 _But **she** ran from **you**_. The darkness whispered. _She told you she would rather die than go anywhere with you._

Ren continued to the bridge, even though he knew he was quickly losing control.

"Captain Phasma."

A faint tremor ripped through her chrome armor and he knew he'd startled her.

"Yes, Lord Ren?"

"Take command of the bridge, and continue the course for Jakku. In the meantime, there's something I must do. Do **not** disturb me unless it is an emergency, is that clear?"

"Of course, Lord Ren."

He left before she could ask him any questions, and made his way to the training deck.

 _Maybe there I can get this…this sickness out of my system._

Hours flew by as he let loose. It was only when he could no longer bear to hold up his lightsaber that he knew it was enough. Gasping for breath, he sat down on the hard floor and let his mind bring back the lessons of the Supreme Leader.

Soon, time stilled and lengthened, lost all meaning as he surrendered himself to the Dark Side again. When he finally opened his eyes behind the protection of his mask, he could feel the difference. Lira was no longer a temptress, but a pathetic, cowardly woman who'd run from power when he'd offered it to her.

 _She and Luke Skywalker are both weak. Cowards._ Something in his mind tumbled, clicked, and locked like a vice on a thought.

Luke Skywalker.

Lira was with Luke Skywalker. She can lead us to him.

Instantly he was standing, a plan forming in his head, his hands clenching and unclenching in anticipation of what was to come. The walk back to his quarters was quick, though Ren didn't know if it was because of tunnel vision or the adrenaline coursing through his veins.

The doors to his rooms opened quietly, and he hoped he would be able to surprise her, because a part of him wanted to surprise her as violently as she'd surprised him.

 _Let's see how you strong you are against the Dark Side, Lira._

His thoughts darkened and he imagined what he'd need to do to her in order to get the information he wanted, but he was ready for it. After all, he'd already seen the worst of her memories.

 _There's nothing you can do or say that will sway me, now._

The door to his bedroom opened, and his eyes found her quickly. She was sitting in the corner she'd slept in. Eyes closed, hands resting in her lap, back completely straight. A quick glance at the tray he'd brought in earlier told him what he already knew – she hadn't touched the food.

 _Such a stubborn thing. If I'm right, that's roughly two days without anything to eat….Good; you'll be weaker that way. Even if it's just a little bit, I'll take it._

He closed the door harder than he needed to and waited for her to open her eyes. When her green ones locked onto his mask, he smiled.

"Surprise."

* * *

A/N: I know that's not much for Ren, but 7 will make up for it, promise! Also, just a heads up: 7 will have some dark/heavy themes in case that's a bad trigger for anyone. I'll be sure to leave an A/N before that section, just in case you want to skip over it. ~ xoxo ~


	7. Fissure

A/N: Hi guys! Sorry for the delay, had a little problem with the internet & the chapter turned out longer than expected. I hope you like it :)

* * *

Lira felt the air around her change, and was dimly aware that someone was watching her. She ignored them.

All morning she'd been meditating, trying to pinpoint her father's location using the Force. Like her, he was nearly impossible to find unless you knew what to look for, and even then, only if he wanted to be found.

 _Come on, Dad. Where are you?_

Nothing.

She groaned. She'd wanted to tell him about her new "mission" and ask his advice – maybe get some assurance that she hadn't completely lost her mind. But if he was keeping quiet, there was a reason for it. Lira made a mental note to ask General Organa about it the next time she saw the older woman. The last thing Leia had told her, he'd made plans to speak with the Senate on Hosnian Prime.

 _Lot of good that will do. Bureaucratic politicians never get anything done._

Annoyed, she opened her eyes. A part of her had been expecting Ben: black clothes, no mask, confused. Instead she got Kylo Ren, in full First Order regalia. Mask on.

 _Well...this can't be good._

When he'd left her this morning, his bathroom had been open, and she'd taken full advantage of it. It had been a relief to use the services, and bathe. Water had a way of calming her, helping her focus and re-center in a way meditating couldn't.

 _Something tells me, I'm going to need it._

The air around him swirled with energy so strong, she could practically taste it. Anger, darkness, even hatred. This was not the person she'd spent the last two days with. A tiny part of her wondered if she had jumped the gun when she'd agreed to stay and try to "reconnect" Kylo Ren with Ben Solo; because from where she was sitting, that wasn't going to happen.

She cocked a brow at him, her stomach tightening.

"Surprise."

 _Definitely not good._

* * *

From behind his mask, Ren studied her.

She'd cleaned up. Her dark hair hung in loose cords around her face, highlighting the freckles that were scattered across her nose. But there was something more…something that had changed since he'd seen her in the morning. Even her eyes seemed greener than they had earlier.

He opened his mind and used the Force to try and pinpoint what it was. Maybe he could use it somehow.

 _There._

The faintest disturbance lingered in the room. He focused on it, tried pulling it back from the verge of oblivion. He knew it instantly and swore. It was a presence he had spent years trying to ignore – he would recognize it anywhere.

 _Luke Skywalker. He was here._

Furious, he threw his hand out and caught Lira with a Force choke, bringing her off the ground and pressing her against the wall. Surprise marred her features, but she recovered quickly. He could feel her will herself to relax.

"Where is he?" he ground out, ignoring the way her skin was flushing under his grip.

Unlike so many others, she didn't panic. Her lips parted as she tried to carefully take in air, forced herself to breath as normally as she could.

It angered him even more.

"WHERE IS HE?" he bellowed, slamming her back again.

She coughed, closed her eyes. Her palms pressed into the wall behind her in an attempt to offset her weight, but he knew it was pointless. She had no leverage to help herself.

"W-who?"

His grip tightened. "You know who. Luke Skywalker. He was here, I can feel it. You know where he is. Tell me."

When she looked at him again, there were tears in her eyes. Ren couldn't decide whether they were intentional or not, but they unnerved him. Reminded him too much of the night he and the Knights had raided the temple. In his outstretched hand he could feel her pulse as clearly as if he were touching her, and it raced. But there was no fear in her, no anger. No emotion he could use against her.

There was just…sadness. An impossible heartache. It came off of her so strongly it took his own breath away.

"Tell me where he is, Lira." He murmured, softening his grip so she could speak. He didn't want to hurt her, not if he didn't have to. But if she thought he was still Ben Solo, she was mistaken, and he needed to make sure she understood that. If she would just cooperate, this could all end differently…

Shakily she inhaled. Raised her chin at him in defiance.

"No."

If he hadn't been wearing his mask, she would have seen the flabbergasted expression on his face.

I don't…How can she be so stupid?! He can't protect her. Why is she trying to protect him?

" _She's mocking you._ " The darkness hissed at him, stoking his anger and insecurities. " _She doesn't think you're worth being afraid of. Show her. Show her the power of the Dark Side._ "

"Lira, TELL ME WHERE HE IS!"

She flinched, his temper making her nervous. When she stayed silent, he let it get the best of him and raised her higher, let his grip tighten.

"Tell me what I want to know, or so help me…"

"W-What?" she gasped, her voice barely audible. "You'll k-kill me?" Even while being choked, she managed to roll her eyes at him. "There are worst th-things than death, Kylo Ren."

He released her, then. Let her fall to the floor in a heap and cough. As she recovered her color and composure, he paced the room, his anger well past boiling point. His old Master had made it past his defenses, and Ren hadn't detected him. Not only did it infuriate him. It terrified him. It meant Luke still had power and abilities Ren had yet to master.

 _What did he want? Why would he risk exposing himself like this?_

Ren turned, and this time, he used the Force to push her back into the wall and kept her feet on the ground. He didn't want to choke her. It would be too easy to get carried away and kill her; and right now, he needed her alive if he was going to get answers.

"Where is Luke Skywalker?"

She glared, her eyes flashing green fire at him. "When are you going to get it through your head? I don't know; and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you. Move on."

Ren curled his fists, tried hard not to lash out at her again. Some battles had to be lost in order to win the war, and when it came to this, he knew she would never back down.

 _Too loyal. Too stubborn. Fine, we'll try a different approach, then._

"What did he want? How did he find you if you're invisible in the Force?"

Lira snorted. "He wanted to talk. As for finding me – anyone can find what they're looking for, if they know how. Except, apparently, the First Order."

 _No one knows how to be as cryptic as a Jedi._

He shook his head, trying to control his anger. Most of it remained, simmering just beneath the surface, but at least he was able to take the edge off.

"You should just answer my questions, Lira. This is all so….unnecessary. You think you can protect him? You can't. We'll find him. It's just a matter of time. Don't make me hurt you. He's not worth it."

Her eyes watched him, and even though Ren was protected by his mask, it felt as if she could see straight through him, and he hated it.

"You're right. This is unnecessary." She tried to use the Force to push back against him, but he'd given her a double dose of sedation this morning to keep her weak; and it was working. "But here we are."

A smile played at the corner of her mouth. "And I can't make you do anything Kylo Ren. Ben. Whoever you are. If you're going to hurt me, it's because you chose to, not because I made you. You're free to make your own choices and live with the consequences. Or are you just a pawn to be played?"

He snarled and cracked the wall behind her with the Force.

"Oh, touchy." She snapped back.

"If you won't tell me what I want to know, then I will just have to take it from you."

Ren raised his other hand and began to probe her mind for weaknesses, searching for anything that would give him answers. Or at the very least, let him in so he had a starting point.

She was strong, as she'd always been. As a student of Luke's should be, but as he fought for access to her thoughts, a small fissure in her defenses caught his attention. He focused on it, demanding it give way to him. For a moment he was sure he would fail, but then he felt the fissure crack and open. Heard her gasp. Saw the images flash quickly around him. He was in.

The memory washed over him, and instantly Ren knew he'd made a mistake, that this was not the memory he wanted; but he was desperate to explore, to find something about Luke. Anything that could lead him to his old Master.

* * *

A/N: **WARNING** \- as I mentioned earlier, there are some things in the section below that can be a problem for anyone with a history of abuse of molestation (I say this as someone who knows) If you think it might be a problem for you, please skip ahead to the non-italicized writing. If it's not a problem, then enjoy :) xoxo

* * *

Lira knew she was in trouble the moment Kylo Ren threatened to take what he needed.

It was an old trigger. One she thought she'd mastered, but his aggression had brought it raging back to the surface. For the smallest moment of time, she was distracted, let her focus shift. It was enough. He noticed the crack in her wall and was there, pushing against it until it collapsed and he was able to enter her mind.

The memory rushed to life, despite her best attempts to stop it.

 _The first thing Lira registered was the pain. Not the sudden, sharp surprise of an injury. No, this was different. This was a bone deep, radiating agony that came from everywhere and nowhere. The kind that made her want to wail like a babe, despite the fact that she almost never cried. An attempt at breathing resulted in a gasp. Even that hurt._

 _"Lira?"_

 _It was Luke's voice, weak and rough, coming from somewhere in the shadows. She whimpered, unable to see him._

 _"Shh. It's okay. We're safe, now."_

 _A rustle. Something cool and damp was placed on her forehead, calmed her._

 _"Lira, listen to me. We need supplies. I have to go into town with R2-D2, but you must stay here. Do not leave the hut for any reason, understand?"_

 _She wanted to answer him, to ask him what was going on, but everything in her mind was jumbled; clouded by the pain._

 _"It hurts." She managed. Tears leaking from her eyes._

 _Another rustle. A warm hand on the top of her head. "I know" he sighed, his breathing shaky. Briefly, Lira wondered why he hadn't lit a candle or started a fire, but he distracted her. "It's the loss of life. As someone sensitive to the Force, you feel such things more acutely than other people." His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. "I need to leave now, but please. Don't go anywhere. This is not the kind of place you want to be wandering around."_

 _Instead of speaking, she nodded, suddenly more tired than she'd ever been in her life. She heard them leave, the soft click of a door closing, before the darkness enveloped her once more and sent her drifting._

 _The sight of the boy hit her first. His small body covered in blood. The way he got heavier in her arms. Stone was next, dropping from above as she willed it down, pieces slamming into her. Bones breaking. She woke with a scream. Her face wet with tears and sweat. The room was still dark, suffocating._

 _"Luke?" she croaked, afraid to make a sound._

 _Nothing._

 _She tried to search for him in the Force, but something stopped her. An impenetrable wall blocked her every attempt. Panic crept into her like a cold mist. She had no idea how long she'd been asleep, or if anything had happened to Luke and R2. Worry settled in her stomach and made her want to vomit._

 _What if something has happened to them?_

 _Mustering every ounce of strength she possessed, she rose from her mat. Each bone, each muscle and cell screamed at her. Urged her to stop moving. But the fear that something had happened to them drove her forward. There room was devoid of light and she couldn't find anything to use as a light source. If there were windows, she couldn't find them._

 _With her hands held out in front of her, she groped around for the door, ignoring the searing pain on her side as she held her arms up. Once or twice she stumbled, but soon found her mark and made it outside. The air cool and calming against her skin._

 _For a moment she stood there, soaking it all in. Reminded herself that it was real._

 _Music drifted across the air and made her turn. Here, it was bright enough for her to see and she felt a small bit of relief. The hut she'd been in was on the edge of an outpost, but if there was a watering hole – and there always was – maybe she could find Luke._

 _Focusing on that, she made her way to the building one grueling step at a time. Inside, a small band played in the corner. Groups and pairs of people talked, gambled, and brawled in scattered bunches throughout the basic room. A bartender against the back wall kept them happy._

 _Lira winced. Luke had said this wasn't a good place to wander about, and she had a sinking suspicion that he was talking about it being a smuggling outpost._

 _Slowly, she made her way across the floor to the bartender, very aware that her traveling clothes had been shredded and bloodied. Her mother would have killed her. The mental image of her mother made her even more self-conscious so she tugged her cloak a little closer._

 _"Excuse me? I'm looking for my…Uncle. He has a small droid with him, have you seen them?" she asked the barkeep. Her voice more uneasy than she would have liked._

 _You're in training to be a Jedi, Lira. Get it together._

 _The bartender hardly spared her a glance as he continued polishing glasses. "No."_

 _"Okay…could you at least tell me how far it is in to town?"_

 _"No." He walked to the other end of the bar and poured someone a drink._

 _Gee, thanks for the help._

 _"We can help you find your way into town, girl. For a price, of course." A low voice rumbled._

 _Lira turned to it, and found two men watching her. The one that had spoken was human. Bulky, blue eyed, and middle aged, a drink in his hand. His companion was a near-human with grey skin, red eyes, and a bald head. The way they looked at her made her jittery._

 _Trouble._

 _"No, that's okay. Thank you." She turned to leave, her stomach churning violently as chill swept over her._

 _Time to go._

 _"So, uh, you're Uncle leave you alone or something?" The near-human spoke, his voice teasing._

 _Lie._

 _"No. My aunt was worried. She sent me out to look for him."_

 _Please believe it. Please believe it. Please believe it._

 _Something about these men radiated danger, and she wanted to be as far from them as possible. Without waiting for them to reply, she left the bar. Her instinct urged her to get back to her hut as quickly as possible, even though she just wanted to crash and sleep._

 _Ahead of her sat the hut, and she calculated that she'd made it halfway._

 _You can do it, she told herself. Trying to focus on the distance instead of the pain she was in._

 _A strong set of hands clasped her shoulder, spun her around._

 _"It's a little late for you to be walking home alone, girlie. Why don't you let us join you?" The human grinned, his blue eyes dead and cold. The hand he held her with squeezed and Lira felt a bruise she hadn't notice before come to life._

 _"It's fine, thank you." She grunted, trying not to let them know it hurt. "It's not that far."_

 _The grey one spoke with a voice as slick as oil. "All the better. We wouldn't want anything to happen to you, would we?"_

 _Lira shook her head. Her instincts screaming at her to get away from them. "You need to let go of me." She said; her voice sharp. "I can get home on my own."_

 _The two exchanged a glance, the grey one looking wounded and the human angry. "Look at that, Zita," the human said. "Here we were trying to be helpful, and this is how she thanks us?"_

 _Zita shook his head sadly. "I think someone should teach her some manners, Des."_

 _Something hot and fierce hit Lira in the chest. Without warning she took off, running as fast as she could toward the hut. Urging her body not to fall apart on her. Again, looked for Luke in the Force, but that wall blocked her. She tried to use it to Push the two men away from her as she ran, but nothing happened. It was as if she had been cut off from her connection to the Force, and that terrified her even more._

 _What is happening?!_

 _Her lungs burned, pain seared her side; but she ignored it. There was no doubt in her mind that if they caught her, they would kill her. Or worse. As a woman, she'd only ever known love from a man, and she knew they would take that beauty, that gift, and shatter it._

 _Zita caught up to her first. Slammed into her at full speed and tackled her to the ground. She felt a rib crack and break, making her gasp, unable to breathe. She tried to turn, crawl away, but he grabbed her head and slammed it into the ground. Black spots exploded in front of her eyes._

 _Des caught up to them and wasted no time in delivering a repeated set of kicks to her abdomen. Air flew from her lungs and Lira choked. Pain unlike anything she'd ever imagined bringing tears to her eyes. Zita turned her over, straddled her. His red eyes gleeful and excited._

 _"What is it with women? Think you can ask for help and then refuse it when we say we'll give it to you? That's called teasing, and it's rude. Someone should have taught you better, made you learn your place. No wonder guys like us gotta take what we need."_

 _His hands ran over her chest, reached for the "V" of her tunic and yanked it open. Swore when he found her undershirt was tucked into her pants._

 _Fight, Lira! Fight!_

 _The will to fight was tempered by the physical and emotional agony that threatened to consume her. How much could one person be expected to take? She marveled._

 _Zita's hands yanked her undershirt up, exposing her bra. The cold breeze against her skin jarring her._

 _"NO!" she gasped, struggling to push him off of her; her hands pressing against his face, her feet kicking under him in an attempt to dislodge him. Des who had been standing nearby, fondling himself, dropped down and grabbed her legs, keeping her from getting any traction._

 _For the first time in her life, Lira decided to something she'd never done. She pulled in as much air as she could, ignored the horrible burning in her side, and screamed._

 _One of Zita's fist slammed into the side of her face, snapping her head sideways; his other one covered her mouth._

 _"Shut up, you stupid bitch! Maybe you'll even enjoy this." He snarled, trying to unclasp his pants._

 _Once his own member was free, Zita began working on her pants, desperately grabbing at any skin he could find. Lira panicked, a vulnerability unlike anything she'd ever known bringing bile to the back of her throat. She bucked, tried hard to dislodge him, but Des's grip on her ankles kept her in place. Again, Zita hit her, this time she could taste the metal of her own blood in her mouth._

 _"Hurry up, Zita. I want a taste, too, you know."_

 _Luke, you should have let me die._

 _Zita's fumbling suddenly stopped. Both men going still. Lira took advantage of their pause and screamed, hoping that whatever had distracted them was a person. An elbow to her gut silenced her._

 _Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll die of my injuries before they get too far. I mean, a temple fell on me. Something broke. I can't breathe. I've got to die eventually, right?_

 _Zita and Des exchanged a glance and then Zita's hands were back on her. Lira closed her eyes. She didn't want to see his face anymore. She didn't want to think. Or feel. She just wanted to drift in the darkness again. To float away from the horror that had been the last day of her life._

 _"Now then – "_

 _Whatever Zita had been about to say, she would never know. Two blasts sounded and he collapsed beside her. Lira's eyes flew open and she saw the sky. Turning her head, she found Zita' red ones staring at her in surprise. Des swore and stood up, his pants at his ankles, but another blast had him lying in a heap next to his friend._

 _Lira didn't move, barely took a breath. Whatever or whoever was coming her way, she hoped it would end quickly._

 _A man she hadn't seen before came to a stop above her. His dark hair mused._

 _"Thank the Maker I found you," he gasped, dropping beside her. "Luke said you would be in the hut, but you weren't there. Scared me half to death."_

 _Instinctively, she flinched away from him when he reached for her. Short of Luke or her father, she didn't think she ever wanted to be this close to a man, again. Not after Ben. Not after this._

 _"I'm a friend, Lira. I promise. I won't hurt you." He said gently. Slowly he removed his jacket and draped it over her chest._

 _Whether it was that one act of kindness after such terror, or the fact that everything she'd been through finally caught up with her, Lira didn't know; but suddenly she was crying. Tears burned her face, and her lungs ached, but she couldn't stop._

 _"Can you walk?" he asked, sadness written all over his face._

 _She shook her head. If she was being honest with herself, she probably couldn't even crawl._

 _"My name is Ari. Is it okay if I carry you?" his voice was smooth, calming, and she wondered briefly if he was trying to use the Force on her._

 _It didn't matter. She nodded._

 _Instantly she was in his arms, floating as he walked towards the hut. The steady drum of his heartbeat soothed her, and after a brief second of doubt, she was lost in oblivion; safely back in the embrace of the darkness._

* * *

Horrified, Ren stepped back. Dropped the hold he had on her and stared.

She was pale, her eyes unfocused as she studied the floor, still lost in the memory.

Before he knew what he was doing, he was standing in front of her; cupping her face as gently as he could, afraid she would shatter.

"Lira? Lira look at me."

He tipped her head back, made her look at him. The reflection of his mask in her emerald eyes startled him. A flicker of recognition passed over her face. Without warning she drove her knee into his groin and shoved him back.

"Get away from me!" she hissed, her voice cracking.

Ren ignored the pain and tried to steady his breathing.

"Let me out of this room, Kylo Ren, or so help me, I won't give you a choice but to kill me."

"Where do you think you will go?" he managed, standing. "The doors leading into the hall are coded to me, just like my bedroom door.

She turned from him, wrapped her arms around herself. "I don't care. I'd rather be in the tiny cell than in here with you."

He stared at her, warring with himself over what to do. If it were anyone else, he wouldn't have stopped; he would have pressed until they broke and told him what he wanted.

 _But this is Lira; and you've broken her enough._

Silently, he waved the door open and let her leave. Cursing himself, he removed his mask, dropped it on the chair. He stood there, staring at the space where she'd stood until he heard her cell door open and close, followed immediately by her tiny bathroom door.

The sound of running water plus another, softer sound, drifted through the walls. Ren dropped onto his bed and rested his head in his hands, completely lost. He'd managed to crack through her defenses today, but somehow, she'd managed to create a fissure in his, too.


	8. Poe

A/N: Hi Guys! Sorry for the late upload- still fixing internet issues. Anyway, here's 8! :) xoxo

* * *

For two days, Ren gave her space; entering her room only when she was asleep to administer the sedative. He wanted to say it was for her, to give her privacy, but that was a lie. It was for him. A way of keeping himself sane. Of keeping that memory from replaying over and over until all he wanted to do was resurrect the dead men and kill them himself. It had left him so agitated that as soon as she'd left his room, he'd wanted to bring her back. Search every corner of her mind and find what other secrets, horrors, she had hidden there.

 _If she's as good a secret keeper as I think she is…as you would need her to be, Luke, then there's no telling how many memories like that she has tucked away._

By the third day, Ren had had enough. He stalked to her room, intent on doing something, _anything_ , to get his hot tempered Lira back. This quiet prisoner who slept all the time and didn't eat was not the Lira he knew.

Standing outside her door, he paused, did a quick mental calculation.

 _Shit._ He clenched his fists at his own stupidity. _She's not sleeping because she's depressed; she's sleeping because she hasn't eaten in nearly a week._

With a wave, he entered her cell and crossed the small room, stopping beside her cot. She was curled into a tight ball again, and briefly he wondered if that was her favorite position to sleep in.

 _Don't be stupid. It doesn't matter._

Shaking the unnecessary thoughts from his head, he studied her. Her skin was paler than normal, the natural ivory looking grey – though that could have been from lack of natural light. Long lashes fanned out over dark circles that lay like bruises under her eyes.

Reaching out, he let his fingers graze her cheek, imagining the bruise that must have blossomed over it after Zita hit her. Even in sleep, she flinched under his touch.

 _Can you tell it's me, Lira? Or do you flinch at every man, now?_

Reaching with the Force, he tried to see what she was dreaming of, but her walls were stronger than before. Still, she looked tense, like she was waiting for something. He shook his head.

 _How long has it been since you had a decent night's rest?_

Swearing at himself and the weakness she seemed to whittle out him, he bent down and scooped her up. This was asking for trouble and he knew it, but if there was any chance he was going to get answers, she needed to be healthy.

 _And maybe the way to get what I want from her is to try a gentler approach…..Or you could just admit that you're worried about her._

He stuffed the niggling voice that pulled him to the Light, and returned to his room, laying her on his bed.

"So stubborn." He muttered, brushing a strand of hair away from her face.

It was one of the first things that had drawn him to her when they were younger. When it came to her convictions, her beliefs, Lira was the most stubborn, hard-headed person he knew.

 _At least you were…..until I joined the First Order._

Rising, he left her and went to the living quarters. He would need a medical droid to evaluate her. Any personnel would still be susceptible to her abilities and the last thing he needed was another escape attempt.

* * *

Lira woke to a strange beeping. For a second she thought it was R2-D2, but when she opened her eyes, she groaned. It wasn't Luke's droid.

 _He brought me back._

She stretched; secretly savoring the luxurious silk Ben slept on before she sat up and glared at him.

"Why am I back in here, Kylo Ren?"

He sat in the corner chair, mask off, dark eyes glittering. Dangerous. She shivered, hating the way her body tingled under his gaze. With an air of grace and confidence she hadn't seen in him before, he stood up and clasped his hands behind his back.

"I told you I need you alive, so this little hungry strike you're on will not continue. And since I can't trust you to keep yourself healthy on your own, you're going to stay here until I say otherwise."

 _You have got to be kidding me._

Lira gaped at him, completely taken aback. Suddenly she was laughing, the sound bubbling out of her until she was shaking, unable to catch her breath.

"That's adorable." She grinned at him, enjoying the startled expression on his face. "I'm not on some stupid hungry strike, Kylo. In fact, I'm rather fond of food. I'm just trying not to get myself poisoned. Who know what your people put in it."

The surprised expression dropped from his face and was replaced with one of annoyance. "My crew thinks you are my guest, Lira; and despite what you may believe, I do not poison my guests. Since you have gone for nearly a week without eating, this droid is here to give you a beverage that will supplement a meal until you eat of your own accord, again."

She jumped out of bed, indignant and ready to argue with him, when a wave of vertigo hit her so hard she was forced to sit back down on the bed.

 _Okay, fine. Maybe he has a point._

Beeping excitedly the droid held out a pale orange drink, glancing from her to Ben.

"What is it?" she asked, examining it warily.

Ben sighed and closed the distance between them, took the drink from the droid and swallowed some.

"It's not poison. It's not a trick. This is good for you. Just drink it." He growled, holding it out to her.

She hesitated. The part of her that had known him as a boy wanted to trust him; but the adult part, the Jedi, the _bounty hunter_ , knew enough about his reputation to be dubious.

"Lira…." He hissed, bending down to look her in the eye. "If you don't drink it, I promise I will have you force-fed, and that wouldn't be pleasant for either of us."

* * *

Ren didn't realize he was holding his breath until she finally took a sip from the glass. He waited, watching as she finished a third of it. Satisfied that was better than nothing, he stepped back.

"There, was that so hard?"

"Agonizing." She bit back, handing the droid the glass. "Thank you."

For a split second he thought she was talking to him until he saw the droid spin happily, beeping back at her. Lira grinned at it and was about to say something else, when Captain Phasma's voice broke out over the com system.

 _"Lord Ren, your presence is requested on the bridge."_

Ren shifted uneasily, ignoring the smirk and quirked brow Lira shot him, and grabbed his mask from the corner table where he'd left it.

"See you later, _Lord Ren_." Lira teased, her voice following him out into the hall. By the time he made it to the bridge, Ren was back to being the Kylo Ren his crew expected him to be. Phasma was standing at a console with two of her men, analyzing some data on the screen.

"What is it Captain?"

She stood, her chrome helmet glinting as she turned to face him. "We've arrived at Jakku. Will you and your Knights be taking the lead, or would you prefer I do?"

Ren smiled under his mask. "No. Of course my men and I will go. Have your team ready to leave in fifteen minutes."

 _This will be the perfect opportunity to let loose some pent up energy._

Twenty minutes later he found himself on Jakku, the desert sand blowing wildly in the night.

* * *

Four hours later, Lira smiled and patted the little droid on its head. "Thank you, TR-4."

It chirped happily at her and left, going down the hall in the opposite direction towards the medical bay. It had taken some time, but she'd managed to convince TR to help her leave Ben's rooms, and guide her to the flight deck.

She glanced around and winced. Ships were everywhere, the largest of which was massive black thing that took up most of the hangar space.

 _1,000 credits says that's Kylo Ren's. No matter, time to get out of here….Except you can barely fly. Where's Poe Dameron when you need him?_

As if the Force had been waiting for her to ask, he appeared in her line of sight. A single Stormtrooper guiding him to a TIE fighter.

 _Poe!_

Instantly, she was up, carefully making her way to them. If it was one thing she was grateful for, it was silence. Lira had mastered the ability to step silently as a child and it was gift that had served her well. Quickly, she grabbed the collar of the trooper and pulled him and Poe into a protected enclave.

Poe's bruised face lit up when he saw her. "Lira! What are you doing here?! We've been looking for you since Jae came to base! It's okay, this guy is a friend."

She glance at the trooper and raised a brow at Poe. "Um..?"

"Trust me." He laughed, pulling her into a tight hug. "How long have you been here?"

Lira frowned, a bellow rippling through the Force, setting the hair on her neck on end. Either Kylo Ren had just discovered Poe was gone, or that she was gone.

 _Either way, it doesn't pay to stick around and find out._

"Long enough, we need to leave. Got a plan?"

"Yeah," the trooper said, his filtered voice annoyed, "Steal a ship and leave."

Lira grinned. "That was my plan."

Commotion from the left had them turning at the same time, swearing. In all his dark glory, Kylo Ren and his men were striding onto the flight deck.

All three of them hissed "Shit" at the same time. Lira sighed and hugged Poe once more. "You need to leave, I'll give you cover."

"What?! No, you're coming with us." He snapped, his expression dark, determined.

"It's okay, I'm doing something for Luke. I just don't like it." She turned her attention to the Stormtrooper. "You get him as far from here as possible, understand?"

He nodded, "I will, don't worry."

"Be careful, Lira." Poe said softly. "Whatever it is you're doing, be careful."

She winked at him. "Always. Oh, and Poe? Next time we meet, you're going to teach me how to fly."

He grinned at her, delighted she was finally taking him up on the offer. "You got it."

With that, he was gone; getting into the first TIE they came upon.

 _Luke, just so you know, this sucks._

Before anyone else could find her, she began breaking the access panels on as many doors as she came across, hoping that would buy them some time. Without a weapon or a fighter, there wasn't much she could do, but she hoped it was better than nothing.

She'd broken five doors before Poe and his friend were able to escape.

 _May the Force be with you, Poe._

She was just about to leave when something exploded two doors away from her and sent her flying backward, into a steel column.

* * *

Ren seethed as he scoured the deck, ordering his men to go after the TIE without killing the people on board, afraid Lira was with them.

"Lord Ren," an older man simpered, afraid to come near him.

He pulled the man into his grasp with the Force and began to choke him. "What?!"

"We foun-d someone, a w-woman. She's not one of th-the prisoners." He gasped, clawing at his throat.

"Where?" He squeezed harder, rage and adrenaline pulsing through him.

The enlisted man squeaked and pointed at the opposite wall. Unable to control himself, Ren crushed the man's throat and let the body crash to the floor.

When he found her, an odd mixture of anger and relief – and something he didn't recognize – roiled inside him. Her eyes locked on his mask and she frowned, a glazed look in those green pools.

"Ben?" she murmured, trying to stand and faltering.

Before she hit the floor, he caught her, wrapping his arms around her tightly. He clenched his jaw, scooped her up. "Yes," he said as quietly as he could, "It's me."

A soft smile drifted cross her lips, her muscles relaxed. It was such a contented look that he faltered as he walked.

"Missed you." She sighed, turning into his arms.

Ren stopped dead, his heart constricting painfully.

 _Ignore it,_ he told himself.

While she drifted in and out of consciousness, he got them back to his rooms, trying to decide just how to proceed. He could be cold and aggressive, forcibly interrogate her again; or he could try the softer approach Luke had once tried to teach him. _Finesse_ , he'd called it.

He laid her on the bed, and removed his mask, convinced that he would have better luck with finesse than force.

 _But first, you must calm down._

Still agitated, he began to unclasped his cloak. If he was going to try finesse, he'd need to be comfortable.

"Poe -" she sighed, curling into a ball.

Ren spun around and stared at her, confusion hitting him hard.

"Let's fly" she mumbled, smiling into the pillow.

 _What the- How do you know Poe Dameron?!_

Lira smiled, as if she'd heard his thoughts. She pulled the pillow closer. "Resistance."

Ren frowned. The moment he'd seen her on Naboo, he'd guessed she was working for them, but hearing her confirm it - even in sleep - infuriated him. Taking a chance, he decided to test a theory.

 _Lira, where's Poe? Where's Luke? Where's the Resistance? Tell me where they are._

Her brows furrowed, and he could feel something around her change. "Safe. Always safe."

 _No one is safe, Lira. Not from me._

 _Not Luke, not the Resistance, and especially not you._


	9. Deal

A/N: Sorry for such a long wait, guys :( This was a hard chapter for me to get into because my fiance and I broke up, so it took me a bit to get my head back in the story. I'm sorry. Anyway, here's 9. Hope you like it!

* * *

"You lied to me, Lira."

The words, spoken angrily, pulled her from the weightless drifting she was enjoying inside her mind. When she attempted to open her eyes, pain shot through her, the room tilting.

"Ngh." Gingerly, she pressed a hand up to the back of her skull and winced at the sore spot she found there. "I didn't lie…..per say, I omitted certain bits of information."

Again she tried opening her eyes, carefully, this time. The first thing she found when her eyes focused and the room lost its fuzzy edges was Ben. He was standing, his back pressed into the wall that separated the closet and his restroom.

Shirtless.

Mask off.

A warm sensation pooled in her stomach and spread outward through her stomach, her throat went dry.

 _He's definitely not a boy, anymore._

A well-muscled chest rippled as arms crossed, cutting off her view. Marks and scars she didn't remember marred the smooth flesh, but she figured those were the battle scars of the First Order – or training. She had a few of her own. A beautiful, sculpted waist disappeared into loose black pants.

 _Damnit! Focus on something else! Like the fact that you're back in this room after it took you forever to convince TR to let you out._

"You lied." He said again, matter-of-factly.

She glared at him, a retort ready on her tongue when a sharp, pain caught her attention and she yelped, jerking back from it. Something beeped and whirred at her.

"You sustained minor injuries and a concussion from the blast." Ben said; nodding at the medical droid she had failed to notice.

 _That's not TR-4, drat._

"What was that?" she asked, rubbing her arm.

Ben frowned. "I said, you - "

"No, not that. I heard that. I remember _that_. What was that he gave me?"

He shrugged. "Some medication to keep your inflammation down. Tell me what you were doing on the flight deck, Lira. Were you trying to escape?"

She snorted, and immediately wished she hadn't when her skull throbbed. "What if I was? I'm a 'guest' –which really just means prisoner – on an enemy ship. You keep drugging me because you're too much of a coward to face me at my best, I can't train because you took my sabers; and on top of that, I'm bored out of my mind. So yes, I guess I was trying to escape. If only to have a little fun."

Ben's eyes narrowed, anger pulsing off of him. "Careful there, Lira. It could be worse."

"The truth hurts. That doesn't make it any less true." Carefully, she sat up; annoyed she was back on his bed, and scooched away from him, wanting – needing – to put as much physical distance between them as she could. "And everything could always be worse. I know."

Ignoring her comments, he accepted another glass of the orange liquid from the droid and pushed off the wall. In two strides he was beside the bed, holding it out to her. When she refused to take it, he sighed.

"Do you enjoy making things more difficult than they need to be?" He set the glass on the bedside table and paced the room, frowning. "I've already demonstrated that I'm willing to kill my own people to get you to cooperate. You're locked in a room coded to my biometrics; and after today's earlier escapade, I've made sure there are two guards hidden outside to keep you from leaving, again. Why can't you just listen and behave? I'm the one holding all the cards, Lira."

Lira's eyes followed him and for a tiny moment she felt sorry for him.

 _He's like a child, trying to do everything he can to get his way and unable to figure out why it's not working._

She stuffed the sympathy into a box in her heart and ignored it. It wouldn't do her any good to be sympathetic towards him.

"If you want something that listens to you and behaves, you should get a pet. I hear they sell them at some of the markets in the Republic, you should look into it."

At his indignant scowl, she grinned. Being able to push his buttons – for once – was a relief. And a good reminder that she wasn't just some weak-willed prisoner without any options. She just had to figure out how to play the game and win it….which in this case, seemed unlikely, at best.  
A sigh escaped her and she closed her eyes, a headache the size of a destroyer building behind her eyes.

 _Oh, Luke. What am I doing? How am I supposed to accomplish what you and Leia want me to? I mean...I have an idea, but it's crazy. And if I stay, I could end up in the hands of Snoke, and I refuse to be a tool in your destruction. But if I go, I'm giving up. Just so you know, in case it wasn't obvious, I hate this. And for the love of Yoda, unless I reach out to you first, don't contact me.  
_  
For a moment there was nothing. No feeling, no hint within the Force that he'd heard her, but then, the softest brush of warmth in her mind – _Be careful_.

Relieved, she smiled.

 _We both know I gave up careful a long time ago._

Steadying her breath she shifted her focus, sized up her opponent, and squirmed; completely aware that her plan could – and probably would – blow up in her face.

 _Okay Ben, time to see how crazy we are._

"I'll make a deal with you…" At Ren's scowl, she held up a hand before he could speak. "I promise to stop trying to escape, if you stop drugging me. I'll also answer whatever questions you have, so long as they pertain only to _me and my work_. Not Luke, not Leia, not Poe, or anyone else you can think of."

His glare was murderous, his fists clenching at his side. "Or I could just hand you over to Supreme Leader Snoke and let him decide what to do with you. That would be easier."

Lira smiled, hiding the sudden ball of lead in her stomach. "You could, yes. But something tells me that if you were going to do that, I'd already be there. No doubt that redhead would have enjoyed torturing me. Yet, here I am. So….do we have a deal?"

* * *

Ren studied her carefully, searching for any hidden agendas. It was an interesting proposition, but it could go horribly wrong, and if it did, Hux would never let him live it down. If he lived at all. "Assuming I'd even consider it, there would have to be stipulations. First and foremost, I want your word –"

Ren faced her, his dark eyes lethal. "I want your word that you will not attempt to escape again, Lira."

Instantly, her green eyes darkened, turned cautious. He turned away from her and clasped his hands behind his back, negotiating like he would with a Republic dignitary.

"Without it you're a flight risk and I may as well send you to the Supreme Leader – since you don't seem to be willing to speak to me without...leverage."  
Her jaw clenched and Ren knew he'd struck a nerve. So subtly he almost missed it, she nodded. "Fine. Is that all?"

"No. You'd have to let down your mental walls. I want to know that you're being honest with me."

Lira's mouth dropped, her expression horrified. "Only if you do the same; and _only_ for specific instances. I refuse to have you poking around in my head for fun."

He conceded. She had to feel like she had some control if he was going to get what he wanted. "You'll sleep in here, since you've already proven you can't be left on your own for long period of time."

She glared at him. "I will sleep and shower in the other room and have access to the rest of your quarters. I gave you my word I wouldn't run, Ben, so I won't."

Doubt clouded his mind, and for the hundredth time he wished he could talk to the Supreme Leader and seek his guidance. Or Darth Vader's. As if they'd heard his plea, the voice of the Dark Side hissed in his thoughts.

 _Do it,_ a voice that sounded like Snoke's, urged. _Learn what you can. A power like that shouldn't be wasted. She could be useful to us. If only there was a way to convince her…._

Something inside of him curled, churning in on itself at the idea. Hating it. Resisting it. But it was a chance to prove to where his loyalties truly lay. To show that the Light had no hold on him. That she held on say over him. If he could use her for information and then hand her over to the Supreme Leader when the time was right, there could be no doubt in his Master's mind about his commitment, his loyalty to the Dark Side. He wasn't going to miss it.

"Very well." He picked up the beverage and handed it to her. "Drink it."

Scrunching up her face, she took it from him and pressed the edge to her lips.

"What did you want with Poe?" she asked after the first sip.

He cocked a brow at her, unsure if her conversational tone was accidental or intentional. "He has a map that leads to Luke. We want it."

"So you can kill Luke."

"Yes. He's the last of the Jedi."

Lira laughed, put her drink down. "Really? Is that what Snoke told you? Because if that's the pill you've all been swallowing, it's a load of crap."

"The Supreme Leader –" he started, anger rising.

"The Supreme Leader is a liar, Ben, and you know it. Your own grandfather was a Jedi brought about by the Force. He's using you. All of you."

"That's enough, Lira." Ren's voice wavered.

He could feel his power surge through him, matching pace with his temper. If he didn't reign them in, he'd lose control and their little arrangement would fall apart.

She shrugged, drank more of her drink. "Yeah, yeah, that's a sore spot. I've heard the rumors about your obsession with Vader. Believe what you want to, Ben. The truth comes out eventually." In a fluid motion she stood up, stretched. "I just hope, for your sake, you don't figure it out too late."

Ren stepped forward, closing the space between them into centimeters, leaned closer. Memorized everything he saw. "I don't have anything to worry about. Once Luke is gone, we will –"

Lira side-stepped him, made for the door. "Let me be very clear about something, Ben. The Light wins. Always. No matter how strong the Dark Side may be. And if, by some chance, Luke falls, others will rise up in his place." She turned, leveled her green eyes at him with such force he swore it knocked him back. "If Luke dies, Ben, you'd better hope I'm dead too. Or I'll be the one taking down your precious Leader."

She gestured at the door. "If you don't mind?"

Ren stared at her. She'd just drawn explicit battle lines, and yet, she was willing to stay. Fury roared to life inside him. In an instant he was behind her, using the Force to push her against the wall. Surprise flickered across her face but she hid it quickly.

"This isn't a game, Lira." He snapped, his rage electrifying the air between them.

"No kidding." She snapped.

A thought hit Ren, Lira had ignored an opportunity to escape and now she was making a deal with him. A promise that she would stay. "Why are you here?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper. "You could have escaped with Poe and FN-2187, why did you stay?"

She sighed, shifted against the Force. "Because I'm an idiot. Besides, they'd have better odds of escaping if you had something distracting you here, instead of chasing after them."

He sneered "You think you can distract me?"

A smirk ghosted across her face. "You're here aren't you? Which hopefully means they have escaped by now."

He leaned closer to her, enjoying the fact that she couldn't slip away from him. Careful not to touch her, he tilted his head, positioning his mouth near her ear. Reveled in the goosebumps he saw rise there. "Except you failed. They crashed on Jakku. We'll have them soon enough."

With a wave, he opened the doors and released his hold on her.

* * *

When she was safe in her own room, showered and dry, Lira frowned. Poe and his friend, FN-2187, may have crashed, but there was still a chance they could escape. They had to. Otherwise Poe was screwed, and so was the Resistance.

 _As for FN, who knows what the First Order does to deserters, but I bet it isn't good_.

Opening the closet, she winced. Nothing. Wrapping the towel tightly around her, she went back to Ben's room and rapped the door. It opened and she found him on the bed, frowning at her. Without crossing the threshold, she nodded at him, ignoring the way his expression changed when he took in her appearance.

She held up a hand to stop whatever it was he was going to say. "I need clothes. It seems mine have vanished and the ones I've been wearing need to be cleaned. Have anything?"

A delighted look passed over him. "You could just wear that, or nothing. I don't mind."

"I didn't realize humiliation was in your repertoire."

He sat up, abs crunching beautifully. Lira bit her lip to keep from getting distracted. It was too easy to do that around him. "Seriously, I just want some clothes. Don't you have female crew on this ship?"

"Always stubborn." He sighed, getting out of bed. He strode to the closet and pulled out a few pairs of black pants and some black tops. "You'll have to make do with these until we find something more suitable." He held them out to her from the closet and she winced.

"Those are fine, thank you, but I'd rather not go back into your room."

Dark eyes narrowed at her. "You wanted clothes, here they are. Come and get them. Otherwise, leave."

Ignoring the warning bells that sounded in her mind, she crossed the room and took them from him. He leaned down. "Was that so hard?"

"Top 10, easily." She quipped, heading back to her room.

He let her leave without incident and when her door closed, she leaned against it.

 _I really am an idiot. If I'm not careful I'll end up remembering what we were…and that would be horrible._


	10. Memories

A/N: Finally, here's 10! I'm so sorry for being late. My head was in a fog. Some days I hate him and can stay angry and focus. Other days, I miss him and get distracted. Ugh, breakups suck! Anyway, enough of that. Let me know what you think, this ch. was a little funky for me. 11 will have some adult moments, so just be prepared ;) xoxo

* * *

The following morning Ren left his quarters early and made sure the guards posted in the hall were well hidden, just in case anything popped up.

When he finally made it to the bridge, he wasn't surprised to find everything running smoothly. Perfect harmony. Perfect order.

"Captain? Any success recovering the Resistance pilot and FN-2187?"

Phasma turned from her place besides a console, her chrome helmet gleaming from Jakku's sun. "Negative. We have a team searching the crash site, but it seems they may have separated so I am sending a second squadron to blanket the area."

"Good. I want to be alerted as soon as there is any news. If you need me, I will be training on the lower decks."

"Very well, Lord Ren."

He'd taken two steps before he realized he needed to ask her a question. "Captain, one last thing; I…I need to find suitable clothes for my guest. See to it that a female member of the enlisted crew takes care of the matter, but does not interact with her. Is that understood? And I appreciate your discretion on the matter."

Phasma's face remained hidden from him, but he could feel her eyes on him. Hers was one of the strongest mind's he'd found, but he could still make out her stronger thoughts. In this case they were hardly hidden from him. Horror. Confusion. Outrage.

After a long pause, she said "Of course" before returning her attention to the task of tracking their crew.

* * *

Poe winced.

" _What do you mean she didn't go with you? Why not?!"_

The voice on the other end of the com rose to a decibel he was sure would rupture his eardrum.

"I don't know, General. There wasn't much time to discuss it. She just said she was working on something for Luke and didn't like it."

The woman's voice paused and for a second Poe wondered if he'd made a mistake.

" _She's working with Luke?"_

"Apparently." Poe rubbed his eyes, exhausted. The trek from the crash site to civilization had been brutal and hot, but his emergency beacon had been damaged in the crash and he needed a recon team to pick him up.

 _At least the First Order has fewer spies out here…._

As if General Organa could sense his fatigue, she sighed, her voice returning to normal levels when she spoke again.

" _Forgive me, Poe. We'll continue this conversation after your debriefing. Our team should be there in the next ten minutes, hang tight and stay out of sight until they land_."

He nodded, guilt gnawing at him. Of course Genera Organa was excited to learn about Luke. It was the first word anyone had had of him in months. "Sure thing, General. Dameron, out."

A few minutes later, two of his own squadron arrived early and picked him up, jubilant that he was still alive. The trip back to the Resistance base was quick, and Poe was lucky to sleep for most of it. Though he wouldn't qualify it as rest.

Each time he closed his eyes, his mind replayed the events leading up to the crash. Torture at the hands of the soldiers, the woman in chrome, the redheaded man, and finally Kylo Ren. The way his thoughts hadn't been his own and secrets had slipped from his mind without his permission. His jailbreak. The way Lira had appeared like a ghost out of air, threatening the Stormtrooper – Finn – who was helping him escape. Trying to find BB-8, and the sudden jolt as they were hit, crashing nearly full speed into the sands.

Gasping he came awake, surprised to find he was no longer on the ship, but in the base's med bay.

"How are you feeling, Poe?"

Turning his head to the left he found the speaker. General Organa was sitting beside him, hands clasped together in her lap, brown eyes worried. Whether it was the limited light inside of med bay or something else, a part of Poe was startled to see such a strong woman looking so frail. Defeated. It was not the way he wanted to see his commander.

 _She looks the way I feel._

"I'm okay, General. Just got a bit of First Order hospitality, that's all. Was the recon team able to find my friend? Finn?" he asked, sitting up.

Her expression faltered, and she shook her head. "No. I'm sorry. They spent as much time searching for him as they could, but there was no sign of him or BB-8."

Restless, Poe ran a hand through his hair. "We'll find them. We have to if we want to find Luke."

The General flinched at her brother's name and looked away. "Poe…about that. I'd like to know what Lira told you. Even if it's not much….it's…it's something."

Empathy squeezed his heart, reminding him that not knowing about her brother or what secret plan he'd worked out with Lira was probably eating away at her. Taking a breath, he recounted the conversation he'd had with Lira but left out the tugging feeling in his gut that it was more dangerous than she'd let on.

 _General Organa has enough on her mind._

* * *

Lira sneezed. A tingle at the back of her neck bringing her mother's old tale that it was "a sign someone was talking about you", to mind. She shook it off, reveled in the moment. For the first time in days, she felt like herself.

The power of the Force coursed through her, stronger than before, sharpening her mind and quickening her thoughts. Every muscle, every cell in her body felt alive, responsive, like she could try to fly and would.

 _Which is what happens when you don't have stupid chemicals in your system._

Delighted, she stood up and moved, reminded herself what she was capable of when she wasn't sedated. That she was powerful, strong. A need to get up and move, do something to offset the abundance of energy she felt had her training for the first time in weeks.

Basic ground work that didn't require a weapon, was first. The stretching and tightening of muscles and ligaments making her sigh with pleasure. Training was one of the few things that gave Lira joy in life. She imagined it was the way Poe felt when he was flying, or when Jae was smuggling goods from behind enemy lines.

It had taken her a bit to come to enjoy it, though. After the temple fell, Luke had insisted he help her train. Her father had agreed, saying it was for the best, but insisted she master hand-to-hand combat as well…unfortunately, it was a suggestion she hadn't taken seriously until later in life.

 _Don't go there, Lira. Some things are best forgotten._

Annoyed that her mind was drifting to darker times, she pushed her body harder, forcing herself to focus on the minute movements of her routine. Two hours later, she was exhausted.

 _Whoever said body weight wasn't a workout had no idea what they were talking about._

Letting her body fall from her headstand position where she'd been doing crunches, she grunted. The best kind of pain was firing like a live wire through her. She'd need a hot and cold shower to help prevent tomorrow's stiffness, but it had been worth it.

Her clothes had just pooled around her feet when something rapped on the door. Panic flicked through her first, but a quick check with the Force told her she wasn't in danger. Curious, she wrapped a towel around herself and made for the door. Ben had said it was coded to his biometrics so unless he was about to walk through the door, she didn't have anything to worry about.

After several moments of silence, she shrugged and turned back to the shower.

 _If it's Ben, he'll just come in; if it's not, whoever it is will be in for a rude surprise._

Satisfied with that reasoning, she took a quick shower to remove the sweat and when she had finished, sat down to mediate.

 _There's got to be a way to reach Ben Solo, the question is how..._

* * *

After a few hours of training and a quick shower to cool down, Ren was ready to return to the bridge. For the millionth time that day, he considered telling the Supreme Leader about Lira, but he knew that if he did, she'd be executed.

 _She'd never convert to the Dark Side….and once the Supreme Leader realizes that she will not betray her allegiance or tell him anything he doesn't already know, she's as good as dead._

For reasons he didn't want to consider, the thought of her dying, again, bothered him. He'd rather keep her a secret than know he'd killed her. Again.

 _I need to come up with something, though. Hux will come back eventually, and Phasma will get suspicious if I keep a "guest" without cause…._

Slamming his helmet back on, he headed for the bridge. He'd need to get Lira to give him answers, and while she said she would talk about her work, he would need more than that. Letting his mind wander back to the years he'd tried to forget, he began to remember their time together. Piece together their past.

 _What do I know about her that could be useful….She loves sunfruit, and the sea. A holobook was always within arm's reach. She loved to sneak out at night and star gaze….and she detested sand storms._

There was nothing else he could remember of the girl he'd known.

"This may be harder that I anticipated." He grumbled, stepping onto the bridge.

"Ah, Lord Ren. We were just about to call for you," said Captain Phasma as she strode towards him. Without waiting for him to acknowledge her, she continued. "It seems FN-2187 has escaped Jakku with the BB unit and an unknown girl. Poe Dameron has been rescued by the Resistance; and General Hux will be returning to the _Finalizer_ in two days."

Ren growled, the anger he'd spent half the day burning off was returning, simmering inside him. "How, exactly, Captain Phasma, were FN-2187 and the BB unit able to escape?"

Phasma paused and gestured to a screen. He followed and felt his face pale, thankful she couldn't see it.

"They stole an old freighter; which I'm surprised to say, was able to get off the ground. We're trying to track it now."

 _The Millennium Falcon…._

He'd recognize it anywhere. His father's ship. A whirlwind of emotions stirred, and it took as much control as he had to keep from blowing up. Thankfully, Phasma continued speaking so he was able to set aside the inner turbulence.

"As for that other matter, an ensign was unable to deposit the items in your quarters, and felt it impertinent to leave them in the hall. Should I have her try again, give them to you, or would you prefer another alternative."

Ren could feel Phasma's curiosity, and anger, as she studied him. He'd never kept a companion this long and they both knew Supreme Leader Snoke had future plans for the two of them, though he refused to let that plan come to fruition. As Kylo Ren, he knew he played – and would continue to play – many roles for the Supreme Leader, but Sire for future First Order Dark Jedi wasn't one of them.

"Send a protocol droid to my quarters, instead. I'll be there to ensure that there are no future issues. As for General Hux, alert him that we will be tracking the escapees' freighter, so make sure you inform him of our changing coordinates."

She nodded, her voice cold and hard. "Very well."

Ignoring the sensation of her eyes boring into his back; he left the bridge and headed to his quarters. Even though her presence made him feel on edge, and she was able to drive him mad, something about being near Lira also soothed him. Calmed the storm he could feel brewing in his chest. Suddenly the memories came back, forcing him to stop walking as images he'd forgotten flashed in his mind.

The day they'd met. She'd been covered in mud and scratches, jubilant that she'd fallen out of a tree without breaking a bone. The way she would run straight for the archives when she visited with her father, because nothing could keep her away from reading anything and everything. How she'd been injured in a fight and had fought back tears because she didn't want anyone to think she was weak, but he'd found her by a tree later, crying quietly; and he'd used the Force to make a flower dance for her because as much as she annoyed him, he hated seeing her cry. The nights they slept under the stars and imagined their futures as Jedi Knights, and guessed at what life in other parts of the galaxy was like. The way he hated that her visits became fewer and farther apart, but when she did visit, he was the first one she looked for. How she'd found him wandering the grounds one night, terrified and lost in the shadows of his mind, visions pulling him towards a dark path; and instead of running from him, she sat beside him, silently stroking his back, trying to ease his pain. The night they'd told each other their feelings and had let their bodies demonstrate what that meant.

Ren gasped, his hand pressed firmly into the wall to keep from falling. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind. He'd been expecting a few memories, sure, just not an onslaught of them. Unsure of what had just happened, he continued to his rooms, shoving the thoughts and emotions they'd stirred up into the darkest part of his heart.

 _Focus. First the droid, then the fugitives, then everything else. Memories like that serve no purpose._

 _I am Kylo Ren._

 _Ben Solo is dead._


	11. Burn

A/N: Hi all! 2nd half of 11 is up, the last part will go up tomorrow. Anyway, enjoy & let me know what you think :) xoxo

* * *

For the first few hours he was back in his quarters, Ren ignored her. Not that it had been hard. She'd kept quietly to her room, and he'd let himself slip into an old holobook that recounted the rise of the Empire. For the briefest moment he thought she'd tried another escape attempt, but he told himself it didn't matter.

 _If she did, it proves she's a liar – like the rest of them. If she didn't, I'll know soon enough._

When the sound of metal hitting metal reverberated from the hall, he frowned. Time to get his answer.

A slate colored droid stood at his doorway. Modifications had been made to make this one female, but despite that, the androgynous features and monotone voice always put him on edge. Personally, he preferred the droids that beeped and whistled, not the ones that reminded him of C-3PO, and ultimately, his family.

"Good afternoon, Master Ren. I am D-3PO – though some people have taken to calling me DD – General Phasma said you needed to see me. "

He glared at the droid. Most of the ones he came into contact with always talked too much. "My…guest…is in the room to the right. Take her measurements, make some suitable clothes and come back. Keep your interaction with her to a minimum and don't aggravate her, she's stronger than she looks."

After a pause he ground out an extra set of instructions, remembering what he'd decided to do about finesse. "I'll also need one or two personal solar lamps…..and bring back a few holobooks, anything you can find."

The droid offered him a slight bow. "Of course Master Ren."

He stepped aside and let DD enter, berating himself for telling the droid bring her things that would make her more comfortable.

 _But finesse might be the key, so focus on that. If it doesn't work, I'll hand her over to the Supreme Leader and be done with all this._

Without a word, the droid entered her room and Ren returned to his. He'd barely settled back into his chair with his holobook when a scream ripped through the air.

For the first time in years, Kylo Ren felt fear; and he hated it. In moments he was across the room, the bitter taste infuriating him. Fear was one thing Kylo Ren was not supposed to know. _Ever_.

With a flick of his wrist he opened his door and stopped dead, stupefied by the scene in front of him.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Lira yelled, standing awkwardly in the living room, looking disheveled and annoyed. A blanket clutched tightly around her.

"Ah, Mater Ren." DD said, turning to him and wringing her hands. "She was asleep when I entered. Since I only needed her measurements… I was attempting to take them without waking her and – "

"What do you need my measurements for? You gave me a heart attack. Do you have any idea how lucky you are that I didn't BREAK you?!" Lira hissed, her skin flushing as she glanced at Ren.

Ren glared at both of them. Though he'd never admit it, he could still feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins, feel his heart slam into his chest as he tried to calm himself. Remind himself that she was safe. "DD is here so that we can get proper clothes made for you."

DD nodded. "Exactly. As I tried to state earlier –"

"I don't need clothes made for me, Ben. I just need clothes. Period."

Annoyed, he crossed his arms. "Damnit Lira, stop arguing and let her take your measurements. It's not easy to find clothes that may fit you from among the female crew." Before she could unleash the retort he knew was sitting on her tongue, he pointed a finger at her. "Either DD measures you for clothes, or you wear what you have and that's it."

Lira's mouth fell open. "W-what? How does that even make sense?!"

"Take it or leave it."

She glared at him, her eyes a dangerous kaleidoscope of green. Reaching out, she grabbed DD's arm and began dragging the droid back to her room, muttering under her breath.

 _When all else fails, get angry and then make her angry._

It was an unhealthy way to deal with his emotions, but he'd rather do that than wonder why she had triggered such a response from him. The Light whispered that it knew, but he stuffed the gleeful voice and made for his room. He did not want to explore his emotions.

His bedroom door hissed open and another set of knocks sounded on his door.

 _Now what?!_

His hand instinctively clenched, and he desperately wished it was around the neck of whoever was bothering him, now.

 _But you've already exceeded your allotted number of "expendable" crew._

Grabbing his mask off the table in the living room, he put it on. Whoever was out there would expect him to be fully dressed, even in the sanctity of his personal space. When the door opened, a fleeting moment of gratitude for foresight hit him. Phasma was standing in the doorway.

"What was th–" Lira's voice died from where she'd stuck her head out her door.

 _For the love of…_

He didn't miss the way Phasma's helmet ticked, ever so slightly, over his shoulder.

"Captain." If there was one thing he loved, it was the way his mask altered his voice, hiding nearly every giveaway he'd let slip without it.

She focused on him again. "Lord Ren, might I come in?"

 _No._

He stepped aside and waved her in; knowing that not doing so would raise more questions than just getting whatever this was out of the way. Whether Lira was able to pick up his thoughts, his mood, or just had common sense, she slipped back into her room and remained quiet.

 _Probably trying to eavesdrop._

"Lord Ren, please forgive the intrusion, but…..well, some of the crew are concerned." Phasma said, trying to hide her fidgeting. It was painfully obvious to both of them that being alone with him in his rooms was making her uneasy.

"Concerned about what?" He didn't bother to hide the anger in his voice. People questioning his abilities or authority was something he refused to tolerate.

"They are wondering why you've been neglecting your duties. It's been days since you've commanded the bridge or spoken with the Supreme Leader, and you seem remarkably concerned with the welfare of your guest." She said dryly, her helmet again ticking in Lira's direction.

"Is it the crew that's concerned Captain, or you?" he asked, fury beginning to take over the adrenaline.

Phasma went still, obviously taken by surprise. "Er….The crew, Lord Ren, of course. I shouldn't care why you're interested in your guest, should I?"

Ren knew it was supposed to be a rhetorical question, but he couldn't help rising to the bait. Turning, he began to pace the room. If he didn't work off the extra energy, he'd end up doing something he'd regret later.

"Not at all, Captain. While I understand the Supreme Leader has expressed certain….inclinations…for the two of us and our future together– at this moment, I have no interest in you or any woman. So let me be clear: my business with my guest is my own, and I expect you to keep your curiosity about the matter to yourself. It has nothing to do with you, the Supreme Leader, or the First Order. When I have tired of her company, I will remove her. Understood?"

Ren wasn't sure if it was the way his voice dropped to a low growl, or something else in his demeanor, but Phasma stood at attention and saluted, her previous nervousness gone.

"Of course, Lord Ren. Please forgive me."

He ignored her and continued speaking. "And if any of the crew have any more _concerns_ , send them to me. I'll be sure to put their worries at ease. Is that all?"

Phasma stood perfectly still, the desire to say something more practically pouring off of her, but she held fast and said curtly, "No."

With a wave he dismissed her and waited until her footsteps had receded before he removed his mask. Whether he'd meant to or not, Lira's presence was affecting him and he'd need to be much more cognizant of that if he wanted to avoid any more problems with the crew or Phasma. Or worse, Hux and Supreme Leader Snoke.

"Excuse me, Master Ren?"

Ren tensed. DD was standing a few feet behind him, wringing her hands again.

"What?" he hissed.

If he wasn't careful he'd destroy the droid just to vent.

"Well….I was wondering if you had a preference about your guest's clothes showing her scars." She said quickly, gesturing at Lira's door. "Because if you do, I can make sure the back isn't shown so that way –"

It took a moment for DD's words to sink in, but as soon as they did, he narrowed his eyes at her. Trying to recall if Lira had had any scars when he'd known her; she hadn't.

"What scars?"

DD tipped her head, as if trying to understand him. "Haven't you seen them, sir?"

Grunting at the droid he made for Lira's room. He had no idea what DD was talking about, but he was going to find out.

* * *

 **Quick note** \- adult(ish) things will happen in the following section, so if you need to skip them, you'll have to wait until tomorrow when the 3rd part goes up!

* * *

Lira glared at the floor, trying to tamp down her anger and failing. She couldn't tell if she was angry that Ben had told her what to do, or that she'd listened.

 _Or maybe both? Probably both. Whatever, it doesn't matter! Who the hell does he think he is? Telling me what to do. 'Get measured for clothes or what I gave you is all you get.' Jerk. It's not that hard to find a pair of pants and a decent top for a woman….and then buy in bulk so they won't run out. Unless you're Ari. If you're Ari you have no business buying a woman clothes because you'll drown her in fabric or end up suffocating her with clothes that are too tight…._

Snorting, she felt her frown twist into a lopsided smile. Luke's friend – her friend – had tried to buy her clothes after he'd rescued her, only to pick the ones that never fit. After two attempts he'd given in and let Qui'lea, his wife, pick some out. Lost in the memory, she failed to hear the quiet hiss of her door. But she felt the change. The subtle hum of electricity that hadn't been there before, the way it raised the hair on her skin and made her shiver.

 _DD?_

She turned, expecting to find the quirky droid standing there. "Did you forget some–" her voice faltered, died in her throat. Every nerve ending inside her came alive, and she wasn't sure if it was with fear or something else. Not that she wanted to know. She had a sinking she wouldn't like the answer.

Ben was standing just inside her doorway, his left white knuckling his mask. But this wasn't his usual anger or mood swing. This was different. Lira could taste the sharp tang of the darkness coming off of him and wondered what had changed in the last few minutes.

 _What did the shiny tin can say to you?_

Something the trooper had said,had put her in the crosshairs of a very pissed off Kylo Ren, and for the first time since she'd arrived, she didn't know how to react to him.

 _Humor or snark is probably a death sentence given his current mood….but I really don't know what to say…._

When he spoke, his voice was low and cold, rumbling over her skin like thunder. "I want to see your back."

 _Hu?_

She blinked at him and tipped her head to the side, doing a quick double-take to make sure she wasn't somehow hallucinating.

"Er…I don't –"

Dropping his mask on the floor, he closed the distance between them and used the Force to hold her in place.

 _What the hell?!_

She tried to yell at him, to demand he release her but his hold was so strong she couldn't speak. Not that it would have mattered.

He was ignoring her.

Impatiently, he removed his cloves and tugged the back of her shirt over her shoulders. Furious, she tried to move, to keep him from seeing what DD had, but failed.

His sudden hiss of breath and the way his hand holding her shirt clenched, trembled, told her he'd seen her scars. Lira felt the sting of tears, and for the smallest moment in time, wished she were dead again. Whether he'd heard that thought, or it was something else, his hold on her lessened enough that she could move. Not wasting the chance, she spun around and slapped him as hard across the face as she could.

"How dare you?" she whispered, unable to be louder for fear of losing control.

"Who did that to you?" he asked, focused so intently it made her uncomfortable.

When he took another step towards her, she instinctively backed up, not wanting him anywhere near her. But he continued, slowly inching closer until there was nowhere for her to go and her back pressed against the wall.

"Back off, Kylo Ren, or so help me…."

Before she could finish the threat, he was in front of her, slapping his palms against the wall on either side of her head. Keeping her in place. When his eyes met hers, they glittered so intensely, that for a heartbeat she thought they were glowing. However, it passed so quickly that she dismissed it.

"You will tell me, Lira Kenobi, how you got those scars. _Now._ "

 _Oh…excuse me?  
_  
Glaring at him, she snapped. "No. It's none of your business what scars I have or how I got them."

Whatever satisfaction she could take from his surprise didn't last long.

"IT IS MY BUSINESS!" he bellowed, shoving away from her. Shooting a dark look at her over his shoulder, he paced in front of her. "It's my business because…..because it's my fault."

Lira felt her mouth fall open and the anger dissipated into confusion. "How, exactly, is anything that has happened to me your fault?"

He stayed quiet for so long that she thought he wouldn't answer her, but eventually he said, "You didn't have those scars before the temple fell…that tells me you went somewhere dangerous, probably alone, on a reckless mission. If there had been more Jedi….maybe you wouldn't have gotten hurt. You certainly wouldn't be a bounty hunter in enemy hands."

Lira narrowed her eyes at him. "Don't be so cocky, Kylo Ren. There's a good chance I'd still have these scars even if you hadn't destroyed the temple. So you can take your moping, guilt trip and shove it –"

Coherent thought scattered from her brain. The only thing she could focus on was the sudden sensation of his body pressed against hers. His lips silencing her words as his mouth worked fervently for access to her own. The heat one hand as he cupped her face, the other pressed against her hip to keep her in place.

Unlike other kisses she'd had, this was neither gentle nor rough. His teeth nibbled and grazed her bottom lip, his tongue flicking the pain away; demanding, urging, persuading her to let him in. Some tiny corner of her mind begged her to stop him. To throw him backwards and scour the sensation from her memory, but then he touched her.

Wherever his fingers touched her, heat seared her. Trailed a path of fire from where he let his hand drop to cup her breast. The pad of his thumb brushing light circles over the center, making her gasp, her body reacting to him immediately.

Taking advantage of the opening, his tongue slipped inside and tormented her. Tasting and teasing every corner until she was sure she'd never get the taste of him out of her mouth. Dimly, she was aware of the hardening of his body against her thigh, it's presence demanding attention. The way the hand on her waist was stroking fires along her hip, trying to get lower; and the one on her chest dipped under her shirt so his hand could cup her.

A moan escaped her. Everything he was doing seemed to be aimed at driving her mad. Even if somewhere in her mind she knew better, her body betrayed her. Reacting to his touch in every possible way until she was sure she would burst into flame and melt into a puddle on the floor. Each stroke of his thumb over her breast, each flick of his tongue or tug of his teeth destroyed her. Sent her spiraling into an oblivion she never wanted to return from.

It was only when he broke the kiss that she was able to breathe, to try and pull her scattered mind back together. She took some satisfaction in his own shortness of breath, of the way his dark eyes seemed wild and lost. 


End file.
